Someone to Hold Onto
by Moxxy
Summary: When a heartbreaking tragedy strikes, Clare finds herself becoming someone she doesn't know. Disgusted with who she's become but scared to turn back, she meets a distraught Drew who helps her realize all they've ever needed was just someome to hold onto.
1. Breakdown

Hey guys! This is my first fic EVER!..but be brutal in reviews if necissary, i know im always completely honest in my reviews because i think thats what every writer needs: honest feedback. Enjoy! :)

Someone to Hold Onto

Clare was on the edge. She couldn't deal with this any longer. Tears began streaming down her now pale face as she ran down the empty football field. She had just had it out with a teacher which was nothing like her. But at the end of the student-teacher confrontation, Clare suddenly burst into a fit of tears as she analyzed just what was going on. She was changing.  
>What have i become, she thought to herself.<br>When she broke into tears back at the classroom, Ms. dawes' face then transitioned from a bold, adgetated one, to a look of worry and compassion. She walked towards clare in an effort to comfort her, but was stopped by Clare sobbing an abrupt, "No" and ran out of the class. And now, here she was. Running through the desolate football field. Toward Alli's flower adorned memorial stone.  
>As Clare finally caught sight of the memorial site, she began running toward it. And as she finally reached it, it seemed there was another person who had been running to it also, from the other direction. They both stopped in their tracks, arriving at the stone. Clare's eyes went from him, to the stone, to the stone, back to him, and then she dropped to her knees facing the stone. A flood of tears came streaming down her face and she began weepimg loudly, almost involuntarily. she cried so hard she could barely breathe. She held her stomache in agony as if Alli's death had equalled to Clare being punched, kicked, stabbed-no, shot- in the the stomache. She bacame caught up in her emotions, forgetting the whole world around her, forgetting the person standing there who had also run here to visit Alli in spirit. Clare began screaming through her tears, "Alli! You didn't have to die! Why did this happen?". She yelled thd last part in anguish, Hoping for<br>God to hear her. Clare was a christian and believed everything happened for a reason, even death. But this was just too much for her to bear.  
>Drew watched the crying girl and as she screamed in despair, he felt a tear or two escape his eyes. He knew exactly how this girl was feeling. Remorse, despair, and just pure sadness. He now also got on his knees beside her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder as some more tears escaped his orbs as she continued crying out in agony to anyone in earshot.<br>Clare felt a hand gently placed on her shoulder and realized it must have been Drew who had been also standing there by the memorial before she broke down and lost sight lf everything. Her emotions began loosening their grip on her slightly; just enough for her to look up at the boy next to her.  
>They looked at each other and could sense the sadness in one another's eyes. Clare, whose emotions began getting a good grip on her once again, took Drew into her arms and began weeping uncontrollably. It didn't matter that it was Alli's ex-boyfriend she was embracing. She needed something or-someone, rather, to hold onto.<br>Because now, Alli was gone...  
>She had no one.<br>And besides, she could see how much pain he was in also.  
>Drew reciprocated and embraced her also. She held him tighter and tighter but he didn't mind. He also needed someone to hold onto.<br>Suddenly, she pushed him away. Holding onto his shoulders, she looked him dead im to eye and said, "You broke her heart! She loved you and you broke her heart! How could you do that to her?"  
>Drew was silent. She was right. He did loved Alli, and she loved him, yet he put all emotions aside and cheated on her. How could he do that to her?<br>Im an ass, he concluded in his mind.  
>Clare continued, "This is your fault!"<br>He looked up at her shocked, anger beginning to surge through his veins, yet he yielded himself from blowing up at her. He knew she did not even know what was coming out of her mouth. Alli was DEAD. And she was Clare's best friend. So naturally, she needed SOMEONE to blame. He was just the easiest target at the moment.  
>"Maybe if she was happier, she would still be hear! This is all your fa-"<br>She stopped when she saw the pain in Drew's eyes and the tears seaping out of them. Clare put her hands to her mouth in the shock of realization, new tears beginning to flow from her eyes.  
>"Im sorry", she said quietly. "I didnt mean that", she shook her head, ashamed of how she'd been acting as a result of Alli's death.<br>Drew looked at her and saw the sincerity in her eyes. He nodded his head in understanding.  
>She looked at the memorial and then back at him. "I just didn't want this to happen", she said through tears. She began weeping violently and was hyperventilating. Drew, still hurt by her words, put his anger and guilt aside and once again wrapped his arms around the girl.<br>She felt almost unworthy to accept the embrace now, after what she had accused him of.  
>But she reconsidered when he whispered in her ear, "Its okay".<br>He traced circles in her back, softly as she wept bitterly. She rose to his level and returned the embrace. At least they had each other to hold onto.

Okay, thanks so much for reading!

I'd appreciate reviews greatly, whether you enjoyed or not! let me know what you thought! And pm me with any ideas for future fics, writing advice, or requests to read your work :) 


	2. The Horrors Of Guilt

Okayy, sooo... i decided to continue this due to the support of my 'Amazing Author Lady ;)' who is also a lover of Drew/Clare, you know who you are :)!, and also the encouragement of other reviewers(thanx guys!), so yeah... Enjoy ! :D

Someone to hold onto: chapter 2

Clare lay in her bed, mindlessly staring at the wall. She did not care what she was looking at, or what song was now playing on her iPod. Clare was in deep thought. At this point it time, her main thoughts were on Drew.

Yes, Drew, the boy she had balled her eyes out in front of. The one she had had the NERVE to blame Alli's death on but then felt guilty, and apologized to him in shame. And the one who's arms she had cried in for about an hour or so.  
>He was Drew. The star football player. The one whom's name girl screamed from the bleachers. The one who had cheated on her now-pronounced dead best friend. He was that typical high school guy that had a chance with basically every girl he came across. That is, until he cheated on Alli and got a bad rep with the ladies and was left with a gang affiliated chick who got him into some potentially fatal situation...But that's just what Clare heard. But Clare being the person she is did not pay attention to what she heard unless it was coming straight out of that person's mouth. Other than that, she could care less about silly rumors. Even the not-so-silly ones like these. Yet, now here she lay in her bed, pondering the thought of whether it could be true or not.<p>

And as she tried to convince herself to stop pondering these things, she just could not help herself. Drew Torres was said to be by some "The most heartless being on the entire planet"-good girls that made the 'mistake' of falling for him, by others, he was "Oh so hot, I wish he was mine"-ditzy cheerleaders who had yet to date him, and to one, "A real jerk, but kind-hearted when he wants to be"-Adam Torres.

But just what was Clare supposed to think of this guy?...she had no idea. She didn't know what she was SUPPOSED to think of him and she didn't know what she DID think of him. But one thing was for sure, her 'SUPPOSED' and 'DID', did not match up with each other.

The usual level-headed, bold opinioned, fully aware of everything and in touch with her emotions Clare Edwards...was MIA at the moment. Dare I say... Clare Edwards was confused.

What she didn't understand was how a guy could be seen as so many different things by different people. Was he the jerk that so many girls said he was? Was he the cute, sensitive jock that the oblivious ones saw, or... Was he the misunderstood, warm-hearted guy that Adam described him as...?

Clare had no idea. But all she knew was that yesterday afternoon; he was the only one who understood what she was feeling and needed just as much comfort as she did.

You see... They were both feeling the guilt. The guilt of not treating Alli as she should have been treated. Drew had felt the guilt of letting their nice relationship come to a downfall by the sudden unfaithfulness he had acted on.  
>And Clare. <p>

She had broken a very important rule. Like part of the girl code. She had broken the girl version of "bros before hoes". Clare should have been equally disappointed in her ex-boyfriend and Alli when they had kissed. But no, she couldn't just break up with Jake and drop Alli as a friend. Or even just keep Alli and drop Jake. She had to go with the mistake of letting the betrayal of her friend kissing her boyfriend get to her more than Jake's part. She decided to take the jerk back.

Of course, after Alli's death, Clare kicked Jake to the curb. But, that may have just had to do with the circumstances of her death. 

Clare felt a lump in her throat that now refused to go away. She felt her stomach turn, uneasy as she let the guilt get to her once again. She tried to clear her mind but it was almost impossible when she felt like this. How could she clear her mind when Alli was DEAD. And it was all her fault...  
>No, don't think like that, Clare, she thought to herself. It's not like you put that gun to her head and pulled the trigger...<br>She did it herself.

Okay, so I guess you can say this was kind of a filler, buuut...what can I say, I like fillers ;) they're fun to write. But oh, wait! Do not fear! The awesome classic degrassi drama is here!...well not yet anyways. In the next chapter, it just wouldn"t have rhymed ;P.

Review por favor... And HONESTY is ALWAYS the best policy...especially on :)


	3. Looking For Something?

Sup readers? :P  
>Okay, so i hope it's not too much of a dumb thing for me to keep updating every day... But i can't help it! My love fore Degrassi and writing altogether is too strong for me to sit around and wait a week for more readers to come haha...hope everyone's enjoying:)<p>

Clare still lay wide awake when her alarm set for 6:45 had sounded. The guilt had kept her up all night. Her stomach had finally calmed itself, but her sadness remained the same as it did 7 hours ago. She had just laid there the whole night on her back, staring at the ceiling. Her internal conflict refusing to end.

But now it was time to get up. No more time for self-loathing and silly internal conflicts. The world would go on, and the day would start despite what Clare wanted. It was a cruel world. Time was always against everyone. And there was no way to stop that. Clare hated that.  
>And she hated that internal conflicts were not good enough excuses for sick days. Apparently they didn't "hinder anyone from getting things done". Clare begged to differ.<p>

However, she begged to differ on alot of things lately. 'Normal' Clare was all about getting things done despite how suckish she was feeling. But lately, she'd just been having these days where she dreaded getting out of bed in the morning. She just felt like the world was against her and there was no way out.

She needed an escape. She was always searching for one and she knew it was out there. She just needed to find it and all would be well in Clare world. Writing used to be an escape for her, but that just didnt cut it anymore. Things were different now. The problems she needed an escape from were on a whole 'nother level than before. She needed a way out. Would she ever find one?  
>Maybe. She'd just need to wait and see.<p>

But right now, what she really needed to do was get up out of bed (which would probably be kind of a hassle since she had been in the same position, thinking all night) and get her day started. So Clare slowly arose from her bed and stumbled off tiredly to take a quick shower. She then came back to her room, chose her uniform pants for the day and collared shirt. She didn't bother blow drying her hair, but instead towel dried it and left the rest to air dry. She honestly didn't have the patience or the time to care about her appearance today.

She looked at her phone and realizing how much time had past since she got up, Clare hurried down the stairs and grabbed an apple from a bowl on the kitchen counter. And with that, she was out the door.

The day started off as it always did. Clare had already been to 4 of her classes and it was now time for lunch. She stood on line awaiting her turn to grab a tray of pizza and some gross-looking vegetables that no one ate. Even the lunch ladies who were granted free food every day never touched that green mush the Board Of Education forced them to serve innocent teenagers.

Clare stood alone of the slow-moving line. Lost in thought, she mindlessly reached for her purity ring that she had a habit of fiddling with when she was bored. But this time she was having trouble finding it with her hands. She looked down at her bare finger and gasped. She began looking around frantically for it. On her clothes, on the floor around her. Until she heard a slightly familiar voice say,  
>"Looking for this?" <p>

Clare turned around, startled, to find Drew holding out the silver item. 

"oh, thank you", she said accepting the ring, "where did you find that?"

"i found it out in the hall, i thought it looked familiar. And then i remembered seeing you with it...you know...the other day-"

"Oh, yeah. Yeah..."

There was silence between the two. But not a very awkward one. Just more of a silence where they felt like they should be saying something, but just had no idea what.  
>Okay, so it was awkward. Their encounter in the football field definately wasn't breif. It may have even been kind of intimate. Both their emotions pouring out the way they did...<br>But they honestly just didnt know each other at all. 

Clare, desparate to break the silence, finally broke it. 

"Well, thanks", she said with a slight smile. 

"No, problem. I'll see around", and with that he was gone. 

Clare had to admit, she felt pretty dumb. I mean, there was nothing else she could have really said to him. But she just felt like she should have said...SOMETHING. Anything, even. Although she was pretty sure reminicing on the time they wept together over her dead best friend who was also his dead ex-girlfriend was out of the question. 

Eh, whatever, she thought.  
>I don't go worrying over things like these anymore. I have bigger things on my plate... <p>

The End...

of the chapter :P

I know, not very interesting yet, but i have so many ideas coming up.

And since this was so boring, i updated with a fourth chapter also :)  
>Reviews appreciated :) <p>


	4. Like You

In this chapter, you'll find that Clare really has changed... For the better? For the worse?...who knows, you decide! Haha  
>READ:') <p>

The music came blaring out of Clare's headphones and into her ears that Friday night. She lay in her bed, taking in every word of the Evanesense song. 

I long to be like you  
>Lay cold in the ground like you<br>There's room inside for two  
>And i'm not grieving for you<br>Im calling for you 

She did this every Friday night. In fact, she had been doing this every almost every night of the week for past couple of months. She'd lock herself in her room, music blaring. And she'd feel her body suddenly relax at the thought of these words.

Just the thought of these soothing words, bringing her hope of being with Alli someday. Even if she had to lose her life in order to be with her best friend once agai- 

BANG BANG BANG 

Her thoughts were cut off when she felt her heart jump at the sudden banging on her door. She couldn't believe someone was banging so loudly, she was able to hear it past her music.

She quickly got off her bed and rushed over to the door to see what would possibly drive someone to interrupt her time of peace.  
>This better be good, she thought to herself. <p>

It wasn't. 

She opened her door to see her step-brother/ex-boyfriend standing there looking agitated. 

"What?", she scoffed. 

"Mom asked me to tell you to come downstairs for dinner...10 minutes ago! Thats how long i've been knocking on your door", he explained looking annoyed. 

"Oh", she said simply, looking away. 

"Oh...?", he asked, "That's all i get?" 

She had been at a loss for words lately. There was nothing wrong with being a woman of few words but...this was Clare. The girl with all the clever, sassy comebacks. But as many other characteristics of the usual Clare Edwards...  
>MIA. <p>

Frustrated, Jake just sighed, "Just come downstairs, dinner's ready." She nodded her head about to close the door, when he continued, "And quit being so emo, will ya? What are doing in there, cutting yourself?" 

Clare rolled her eyes and glared at him.  
>"Screw you", she replied closing the door behind her as she re-entered her room.<p>

And as she began to remove the bulky headphones from around her neck and put her iPod down, she glanced at the reflection in the mirror, of a person she did not know anymore.  
>It was herself. <p>

Hey, hope ya liked it :)  
>And if your not familiar with the band, evanesense, you really should go listen to "Like you" (mentioned in beginning of chapter). Its basically about how someone close to them is dead and the person is saying they are not grieving for them because they are actually lucky to be dead bc the person sees death as peaceful, not having to put up with the pain of living anymore. <p>

reviews appreciated:) 


	5. A Jock No More

Clare watched as her mom drove away, leaving her deserted at the Dot. Her mom had insisted that she, (and I quote) "Get her head out of her butt and get a good look at the world around her".

Her choice of words had become very colorful ever since her and Glen married...

And in case you actually speak ENGLISH, that was her way of saying Clare had been cooping herself up in the house lately.  
>Clare thought back to her and Helen's conversation in the car.<p>

"You're 16 for crying out loud! Go out, hang with your friends!"

Clare was silent.

Helen continued, "Why don't you call Adam or Eli or-"

Her mother paused.

They both knew who she almost suggested calling.

It had been two months, but Alli and Clare were friends for years. It was hard for Helen to exclude the girl's name from her mental list of her daughter's friends...

But Clare hated that her mother couldn't get used to it. Because even at the slightest mention of Alli's name or even just knowing her mom had ALMOST let it slip... It made her get a sickly feeling in the pit of her stomach.

The car was then parked in front of the Dot and there was silence.

Clare looked straight ahead, down the still road.

Helen looked at her distraught daughter with love and pity.

"Clare, I-"

She had already opened the door and arose from the passenger seat.

Helen sighed as Clare slammed the door behind her.

Helen knew she had unintentionally hurt her daughter but there was nothing she could do about it accept drive off. She knew she had done the right thing. She couldn't just let her daughter become a hermit, enclosed in a house by four walls.

And now here Clare was, standing alone in front of the popular Degrassi student hang-out. And she had no to call to come hang out with her.

Alli was-...you know...

Eli was her ex. Sure they stayed friends, but he was onto better things these days. He had obtained a large group of friends now that he was becoming more social. And who was Clare to interfere with that?..

And Adam...?  
>He was Adam. They were close before, but ever since the break-up with Eli (Adam's best friend), it was kind of impossible to hang with Adam one on one. So Clare and Adam had just kind of...grown apart.<p>

Clare debated going inside or not. She didn't feel like being around people right now. People led to drama, drama led to heartbreak which was pain which she did not need any more of.

A cool breeze swept over her and left her with a shiver.

Maybe going inside and having some hot coffee wouldn't be so bad.

She walked throught the door, the warm air being a relief to her chilled face. She sat down in a boothe in a more empty part of the restaurant. When a waiter swung by, she ordered a coffee.

When the waiter replied, "Is that it?", she decided she'd have some fries too.  
>It was going to be a while before her mom decided to come pick her up.<p>

Once her coffee and fries had arrived at her table, she took a good long sip. Suddenly, the bells on the door sounded, indicating a customer had arrived. Or in this case, make that two customers.

Drew and Adam walked into the Dot and took a seat at a table near Clare's. Neither of them had notice her sitting there until Drew had looked away from his brother, not really caring about the comic he had been going on about for the past hour.

Drew looked up and noticed Clare sitting there, looking down longingly at her now empty cup of coffee. He immediately felt himself smile at the sight. Something about that girl always made him smile. She just seemed so simple-minded.  
>Well...lately, that is.<br>He didn't know her very well but he just new he liked this version of her better than the old one. Before, she had seemed like one of those stuck up, judgmental know-it-all kind of people.  
>Now she seemed more humble, and to herself. She was alone basically every time he saw her in the halls.<br>What changed?.., he thought.  
>Oh. Yeah...<p>

And then there was that day a couple of weeks ago.  
>She must have cried in his arms for about an hour! He remembered that day so clearly. He had just got in a big dispute with his coach. Drew hadn't been showing up for practice a lot lately.<br>Coach warned to kick him off the team. But Drew had made the mistake of getting all worked up over the statement and started a rant on how he didn't have a life anymore because he had been giving all his time to the team, and how he lived in a sick world, revolving around sports that required putting 100% of your guts into a team of guys who could barely give a crap about you.  
>The coach was bewildered at his star player's words.<br>Then, Drew had concluded that if that's what being on a team was about, then sports weren't his thing.  
>"You don't have to scare me with a warning", he had said, "I'll make things easier for both of us. I quit!"<br>And with that he had stormed out of the locker room and ran onto the football field toward Alli's memorial stone.

And there, he had met a petite, brown-haired, blue-eyed girl who had coincidentally came to visit Alli in spirit, also.

But after that encounter, they hadn't really connected like one might expect. They'd past each other in the hall a couple of times and exchanged small glances with a slight smile attached to it. But that was about it.  
>And now, here he was, sitting a few feet away from and smiling at Clare Edwards. Drew broke out of his thoughts, noticing Adam had stopped talking. Drew turned to his brother and said, "Hey, there's your friend", gesturing towards Clare.<br>"Oh, hey Clare", Adam said with a wave.  
>Clare looked up from the coffee cup and noticed the two brothers.<p>

Unsure of whom had called her name, she gave a quiet, yet polite "hi" to both of them. Adam's attention was then caught by the sound of beeping from a black hearse outside. "Oh, there's Eli", he announced and looked at his brother while gathering up his sweater and cell phone, "Thanks for the ride here, Drew".  
>He left.<br>And then there were two ;) 


	6. Breaking Down Walls

Hey guys! If anyone is actually reading this(im starting to doubt it lol) hope you enjoyed the last chapter ! Sooo, heres some more. And I guess, this is when all the magic begins :)

sorry it took 5 chapters to get to this point, but trust me it was necessary...  
>READ :')<p>

Drew watched as his brother left the Dot, and then put his focus on the girl a few feet away from him, sitting in a booth, snacking on french fries. He smiled to himself one again at the sight of her.

What do I say?, he thought to himself.  
>Do I say anything...?<p>

Drew felt this was a make-it-or-break-it kind of moment. He knew he wanted to talk to this girl. Something about her just really drew him in. Not that he had a thing for her or anything. I mean, sure, she was beautiful. And he saw that. But there was just something that made him want to talk to her. She was like a mystery to him. And he longed to uncover that mystery. Usually, he'd be too busy throwing around a football to think about some 'mystery'. But his football tossing days were officially over since he opened his big trap and told off coach.

He finally decided to make his move. He turned in his seat to face her.  
>"Hey", he said, grasping her attention.<p>

She looked up at him with a small, shy smile and said "hi".

He took notice that she had a nice smile, making him more nervous about asking his following question.  
>"Are you meeting someone?"<p>

"No", she answered hesitantly.

She blushed feeling kind of embarrassed that she was sitting there all by herself, digging into french fries.

"Oh, well do you mind if I sit there?", he asked, gesturing toward the booth seat opposite of hers.

She hesitated answering this, also. It wasn't that she actually minded him sitting with her. She was just kind of  
>caught off guard.<p>

Plus...  
>She did not know this guy. And she'd been keeping a distance between herself and people lately in an effort to guard her heart...<p>

He noticed her hesitation at answering the question, so he continued with humor,

"'Cause you know, your invisible friend there looks kinda lonely and maybe wants someone to sit with"  
>Clare smiled at his humor, kind of confused of whether the 'invisible friend' represented her sitting there by herself or what...<p>

But she liked his attempt at making her laugh, so she giggled and said, "Sure, you can sit there".

Drew smirked and made his way over to the booth and sat across from her.

Wow, he thought to himself, her blue eyes are even more piercing up close.

She noticed him looking at her and she looked down at her hands shyly, not knowing what to say or do next.

He noticed her shifting in her seat a little uncomfortably. She must have noticed him looking in/at eyes.

"So...", he started, "How are you?"

She looked back up at him.

"I'm fine", she fibbed, "And you?"

"I'm good", he replied.

They fell into a calm silence. No tension, no awkwardness, but Drew could tell Clare had something bothering her. And his first guess was that it was about Alli.  
>"You know I miss her, too"<br>This statement captured Clare's attention, and she slowly lifted her eyes up to level with his.  
>He continued, "Alli was a great person. Funny, smart. REALLY smart", he said, remembering the essay she had done voluntarily for him once.<br>This made Clare smile. She did have some brain, that girl.  
>It was Clare's turn to share.<br>"Yeah... She was great. Fun to be around. Even if your world was crashing down on you, she'd still find a way of making you smile."  
>Drew was silent as he intently listened to her speak.<br>Clare continued, "She had a way of bringing out the best in people. She was so caring. She'd do anything to help with something, even if you didn't want the help.  
>"She was that push that everybody needs to get out of bed in the morning. Even when she was going through her own stuff, she would put it aside and listen to what was going on in everyone else's lives and try and make them feel better."<br>Clare stopped.  
>What was she doing?... Why was she opening up to this almost complete stranger...?<br>She had no idea.  
>But he was a good listener.<br>When he noticed that she was done talking, he nodded his head in agreement.

And if she saw right, she could swear there was a glimpse of guilt in his eyes. She knew that look. She saw it every time she looked in the mirror.

Review please :)


	7. Nice Eyes

Drew drove her home that night. When Clare's mom called her cell to check up on her, and heard that her daughter was hanging at the Dot with a friend... Let's just say Clare was pretty sure she had heard her mom shout for joy. Thank goodness she didn't have her on speaker-phone. Now that would have been embarrassing, she thought.  
>Since Helen knew Clare was with a friend, she asked if this friend had a car and could drive her home because Glen and her were watching a movie together. <p>

Clare hesitated, but then asked Drew if he indeed could give her a ride and he replied with a "sure, of course".  
>So they left the Dot together (after Drew insisted on paying her bill, of course). They got in his small green jeep and and were off to Clare's. <p>

"thanks for the ride", she said when they arrived in front of the small house.  
>"oh, anytime", he said with a smile. <p>

They had had alot of laughs and exchanging of smiles that night. It turned out that a former jock and former brainy chick could have alot in common.  
>Tv, movies, but especially music. They both agreed that they listened to basically everything but were both fans of rock.<br>Clare now thought of when he made that crude joke about how hot the lead singer of evanesence was.  
>He was something else, this guy.<br>But in a good way.  
>So...was this the end?<br>Would she ever get the chance to connect with him again like this?  
>Wait...why do i even care?, she thought. <p>

She was about to rush a goodbye and hop out of the car.  
>For good. <p>

But he beat her to it.  
>"Maybe we could...", he began hesitantly, "maybe we could do this again sometime."<br>She was silent but Drew saw her cute smile form, so he continued, "i had a lot of fun with you, tonight. More than i've had in a while"  
>Clare felt herself blush, but tried to ignore it, hoping he didn't notice through the darkness. <p>

"yeah", she said hesitanly, being cautious while choosing her words. "i did too". 

He then asked that they exchange numbers and she agreed to it.  
>Although she had no idea why. <p>

Finally, they said their goodbyes and she made her way out of the car and into her house, playing over all of tonights events in her head.  
>Though much didn't happen tonight. Its wasnt like he flirted or called her beautiful or anything.. <p>

Although he did tell her she had nice eyes that one time..  
>He kept looking at her kind of strangely and when she asked why, he replied a shy, "sorry..you just..you have really nice eyes".<br>That was another moment that night she attempted at hiding her blushing. He noticed this and no longer wanting to make her feel uncomfortable in any way, he changed the subject to something school related which then turned into a conversation about their favorite bands which they had many in common. 

Clare lay on her bed, willing herself to try and clear any thoughts from her mind that involved how sweet or cute Drew was. And how nice his hair was. Or how much HIS eyes had attracted HER. She was just better at hiding the fact she had been staring into them. Unlike Drew who she eventually had gotten to admit it.  
>But her trying to will away these thoughts was near impossible. <p>

Oh well..., she thought to herself, smiling. 

Drew also lay on his bed thinking about the quiet, blue-eyed girl. 

He learned that they actually had alot in common. He was glad he had gotten to know her a little better, but she still seemed so mysterious to him. This attracted him even more. Which forced him to go ahead and told her he wanted to hang out with her again. He had even gotten up the nerve to ask for her number.  
>Was it too much that he asked for her number?, he wondered. <p>

Eh, whatever im just glad she gave it to me.  
>He decided to use the 10 digits for the first time. <p>

Hey thanks for a so-not-boring night :)  
>-Drew <p>

Clare heard her phone beep and she grabbed it from her bedside table. 

A message from Drew.  
>Hmm, she thought.<br>She opened the text and smiled. 

haha ditto  
>-Clare <p>

Goodnight, girl with nice eyes :P  
>-Drew<p>

Clare blushed for a 3rd time that night, this time with a huge smile on her face, not having to hide it from anyone.

Goodnight:)  
>-Clare <p>


	8. Keeping Boundaries

A nice long, juicy chapter just for you, yeah you! :3

It had been a few weeks since Drew and Clare's night at the Dot. They hadn't actually made plans outside of school yet, but in school, they had become pretty good friends. Clare was aiming for 'acquaintances' but he had used their names plus 'friends' in the same sentence multiple times so...she decided to just go with it. She kept trying to convince herself she wasn't letting her guard down but...  
>Who was she kidding?<br>No one.  
>More of a hitorical question but whatever.<p>

They now sat together at lunch, acknowledged each other in the halls. And Drew took this into account as an asset he had gained by quitting the team. He knew he would never even think of sitting with anyone other than his football buds during lunch and that it'd be almost impossible to acknowledge her in the halls without his friends ripping on him about it.  
>But he was a different person now. He no longer cared about keeping his reputation and since he had quit the team, the guys had kind of distanced themselves from him. So now he mainly stuck with Adam and his friends during school.<br>And then there was Clare. Sure they were just friends. They were together a lot during school. They'd talk casually about almost anything. They'd even talk about some pretty deep stuff if the timing was fit.  
>They'd text all day if they could.<br>And she was a really chill girl.  
>But he was starting to think of her as more. And he had no problem with that. It's not like he had anyone to rip on him about it. And his social statusreputation was just about on her level now, and frankly he just felt so free now. Free to be seen with whoever he wanted, free to sit with anyone of his choice, and...free to date anyone he liked(under the condition that they liked him back) and to him that was the very best part. However, he had just one little problem.  
>Did Clare like him, too...?<br>He could never tell with her. He could tell she had some boundaries, especially when it came to guys. And she had shared with him her troubles with letting people in. So he knew there may have been a possibility she liked him, but refused to show it...willingly, that is.  
>However, he was pretty sure she did show it. She just didn't realize it. The way she'd smile at his subtle flirting. How nervous she looked when they were left alone together. They way he could swear she looked in his eyes the same way he did their first time hanging out. But maybe that was just his eyes playing tricks on him..<br>Either way, he knew there was a high possibility that she felt the same way. And that's all he needed to know. Just that possibility made him happy and gave him the confidence to continue trying to get close to her and eventually make his way into her heart.

Drew now sat in his Jeep, driving to Clare's house during his luch period. She was home from school today. She sent him a quick text the night before, telling him not to wait for her at her locker that morning because she was too sick and doubted she'd be making it to school.

So now here he was, going to check up on her and bring her a little get well present he had picked up on the way.

He parked his car in front of her house, and walked up to the front door, ringing the doorbell. After standing there for a few moments, he rang the doorbell again.  
>No answer.<br>He sighed, and hoped he hadn't come here for nothing.

Clare lay in her bed, feeling miserable; her head aching.  
>She tossed and to take a nap. She had woken up a couple of hours ago from her early alarm she had forgotten to turn off the night before so she could sleep in. That just went to show how miserable she'd been feeling.<p>

Suddenly the doorbell rang. She groaned in frustration. Would she ever get back to sleep? Realizing there was no one else home to get the door, she began struggling to get up to go see who it was.  
>Failing at sitting up straight and rising from her bed, she instead rolled off her bed and onto the floor, groaning again in frustration.<br>The doorbell rang again.  
>She pushed herself up off the floor, left her room, and made her way down the stairs. Hearing the doorbell ring once again as she was about to open it, she rolled her eyes at the lack of patience the visitor had. She then opened the door to see Drew standing there, holding white carnations, and looking at her worriedly with his gorgeous eyes.<p>

He must have noticed how frustrated she looked opening the door. But now all she could do was smile at him, with tired eyes of course.  
>"Hey, I'm sorry. Did i wake you? I thought maybe your mom or dad would've been here to open the door because i did figure you might be sleeping."<br>He was babbling.  
>This made her smile even more.<p>

He saw her smiling and realized it must have been at his rant. So, he decided to stop, breathe, and hand her the flowers.  
>"These are for you", he said shyly.<br>She took them and said thank you. She was so flattered. She knew he had a thing for her, but it was about time she found a guy who'd go out of his way for her like this.

"Maybe I should go, I know I probably woke you up"  
>She sighed, shaking her head in disbelief.<br>"Now how could I not let you in after this?", she said, gesturing toward the flowers he'd given her. She stepped aside and gestured for him to come in.  
>He smiled and stepped inside. She walked over to the couch, flowers in hand, and took a seat on the end cushion, patting the one next to her for him to sit down there. He followed her lead and then there was silence.<br>Which he broke of course, as always.

"So, how are you feeling?"

"Okay", she answered.

"Oh, that's good. Now tell me how you're really feeling"

"Miserable", she said hesitantly.

He frowned, "I'm sorry".

She nodded her head.

More silence.

He took a good look at her and noticed something with her was off. Not her physical sickness. Honestly she didn't look sick at all. She didn't seem weak when she walked. Her face wasn't flushed nor was it pale. She sat on the couch comfortably next to him.  
>But something was wrong.<br>Inside.  
>Her heart.<br>It was breaking.  
>He could tell.<p>

However he had taken taken from many conversations they had had these past few weeks that she indeed had a problem with depression.  
>She didn't tell him that straight out. But he could put two and two together.<br>There were times when she wouldn't text him back or answer calls for hours. He didn't mind, but when he'd ask in a friendly way what took her so long she answer with a "Nothing, sorry" in a quiet hesitant way, while looking at her feet.

He could see that dried tears now stained her face.

So he decided he needed to make her happy.

He then started a conversation about stuff that had gone on in school today. Stuff his brother had said that made him laugh and knew would amuse her, too.  
>And it worked. He knew just what to say to make her laugh. And he was glad.<p>

They then came to an odd silence. But it was more of a peaceful one.  
>She looked up at him. He felt her eyes on him so he looked back at her. He could see something in her eyes at that moment that he had never seen there before.<br>Longing.  
>She was looking longingly at him.<br>Was he really seeing this right now?  
>The moment then began getting to him also and he felt the same thing she did.<p>

He took a chance and leaned in toward her, slowly, making sure she was okay with his next move.  
>She was.<br>They both leaned their faces in toward each other until their lips brushed each other.  
>He pressed his lips onto hers and her eyes fluttered closed, taking in the moment, expecting it to end any second.<br>But it didn't.  
>Clare reciprocated the kiss. It started out slow but passionate, then suddenly deepened, intensifying more and more. She cupped his face with her hand, eliminating any space between them while he snaked his arms around her firmly but gently. It was unlike anything Clare had felt before.<p>

And that's when she came back to her senses. What was she doing?  
>In the shock of realization, she pulled away.<p>

Drew felt her pull away and noticed the look on her face. He had no idea what it was in her expression, but it worried him.

"What's wrong?", he asked.

She looked at him and quietly stated, "I can't do this".

"Why not?..", Drew asked quietly also, wearing a confused expression.

"Because", she exclaimed, getting all worked up, tears streaming, "this is just me betraying her again!"

Drew understood who she meant by "she".

Clare stood there quietly, slightly embarrassed, looking around, anywhere but at his face.  
>Drew then placed his hands on her shoulders.<p>

"Clare your not betraying her".

"Yes i am!", she exclaimed, rising from the sofa.

"No your not", he said more firmly willing for her to listen to him, rising to her level.

She finally looked up at him, more tears streaming down her face, and then looked down in shame.

"I'm sure all Alli wants is for you to be happy".

She was silent, not knowing what to say; her heart breaking at the direct mention of Alli's name.

"Clare, do u you like me?"

She sure wasn't expecting that.

She looked up at him, surprised by the question.  
>She then looked straight into his eyes, and let more tears escape her own, realizing how much she truly did care about him.<p>

Finally, she nodded her head and answered, "yes".  
>She looked down, slightly embarrassed and afraid of his reaction, a even though she was pretty sure he liked her, too.<br>She just wasn't used to telling people her feelings anymore.

He looked fondly down at her as she stared down at her feet. He pulled her close to him by her shoulders and said,

"Then I'm sure Alli would understand".

"Oh sure, like i understood when she and Jake kissed", she said guiltily with sarcasm.

"Clare, u believe in God and Heaven, right?"

She answers hesitantly, "yeah...".

"Well, honestly, I haven't gone to church many times in my life, but... when my grandpa died when i was 8, my grandma used to tell me that my grandfather was looking down at us all the time. And that all the bad things we might have done to make him mad when he was alive; he's not even thinking about them anymore. Because when you're in heaven, everything is perfect and you're so happy that there's no more room in your heart for all the bad things".

She looked up at him, a small smile on her face and a couple of tears streaming down, but no longer bad ones. She began wiping them away, but he gently pushed away her hand and wiped them for her.  
>There was a comfortable silence as they stood there. She then looked up at him shyly and asked, "do u think we could try that again, then?".<p>

Drew was just about to reply with an immediate "yes", realizing she was talking about kissing. But he decided against it.  
>"I think...maybe right now you should focus on getting your emotions back in order before doing something you might regret. Even if it's just kissing me."<br>He then smiled at her, letting her know he was saying this only because he cared about her.  
>She looked up at him and smiled graciously, and said "thank you", before pulling him into a hug. He held her close while she rested her head on his comforting shoulder. She was so glad to have...whatever this was that she had with him.<p>

Worked hard on this, so hope you liked!  
>Reviews please :)<p>

Next chapter should be epic, btw! ;D 


	9. A Lesson Not Learned

Clare woke up the next morning with a smile on her face. She got up and blasted some Paramore, loud enough for her to hear from the shower. She then came back to her room and chose her uniform clothes for the day.  
>She fixed her hair neatly and even slapped on some eye makeup.<br>Clare was ready to seize the day.  
>She looked at the time and noticed she still had a few minutes before she had to leave for school. So, she hopped on her laptop and checked her facerange page. One or two notifications that Drew had posted on her wall with pictures and such that made her smile.<br>She then decided to check her email to see if Darcy had written her. There were no messages from her sister. However, there was one from a BhandariSav123

Clare immediatly clicked into the message once she realized who the sender was.

It read:

Clare,

Hey, it's me Sav! How are you?  
>Im contacting you because we have been going through Alli's laptop files(for strictly investigation purposes only), and there was a document containing a letter addressed to you.<br>She obviously never gave it to you due to the conditions undergoing your friendship...  
>But i've come to learn that the letters never sent are the ones containing words you really wanted to say got the chance to.<p>

Clare could feel herself tearing up.

So click the attachment to see the letter.

-Sav

PS: I know we've never talked much, but you were a big part of my little sister's life, so i hope we can keep in touch. Email me anytime. The results of this tragedy affect us all. Trust me..

PPS: i did not read the letter myself, i swear. I just saw the title of the document said 'Dear Clare'.

Clare was trembling.  
>Full-on TREMBLING.<p>

She was overwhelmed with excitement, yet terrified if what the letter might have said.

She finally brought herself to click the 'Attachments' button.

And there was the letter from Alli.

Dear Clare,

Im sorry. All i can say is that im so completely, honestly and utterly sorry..  
>I am the worst best friend ever and i don't deserve you. I can see now why you chose Jake over me. Im a horrible person...<p>

My reasoning for kissing him seemed like such a good allaby then, but now... It seems stupid.

I never did get to tell you the reason though..

So if you care.. Here it is.

I was vulnerable that night, i guess..

Me and Dave had broken up. I had finally found someone good for me and yet again i did something to chase him away. What i did isn't important anymore.

What's important is that my heart broke when you ended our friendship..

You were the one good thing/person in my life that never left my side. But now that you have, i realize that you had a good reason to and that its my own fault. And if i'm just going to chase away all the people i love.. What's the point anymore...?  
>Because...what's life without love anyways?...<p>

I know your probably never going to read this and i would never want you to read it because i don't want you to feel guilty. I know you'd feel guilty about...what i'm about to do...bcause your just a good person.. always trying to take matters into your own hands to fix them...but this is too much of a big thing for you to fix...  
>You can't fix my life.<br>No one can.  
>So im gonna do it myself...<br>Maybe on the other side they'll be happiness. And love. And i'll be able to watch over you and protect you.

I love you, Clare. I love you so much.  
>I hope you and Jake will be happy together and that he'll love you more than i ever could.<p>

Love your biggest disappointment,

Alli B.

Clare couldn't breathe.  
>This can't be happening, she thought.<br>I must be dreaming.

She sat there staring at the computer screen, reading it over and over again, expecting her vision to begin blurring little by little and then she'd wake up to the real world.

The sad part was that was not going to happen. This was the real world. And in reality, she had been a major contribution to her best friend's suicide.  
>She KILLED her best friend.<br>On the inside anyways.  
>Alli had just finished herself off on the outside.<br>Clare sat there, still in shock, not wanting to believe the letter she had just read existed. But she knew it did. And that killed her inside. She wanted to cry. she wanted to scream. She wanted to run. Away from it all but she couldn't.

Suddenly, there was a knock on her bedroom door. She looked blankly at Jake as he entered the room. His face made her sick. The last line about Jake living her more than Alli could kept repeating itself in her mind. Him love me, my ass.

"Quit looking at me like that".  
>She continued staring.<br>"what, am i that attractive?", he said with a wink.  
>"Ugh", she ran out of the room and pushed passed him.<p>

She heard him yell after her, "Don't you want a ride?"

And with that, she ran out of the house. She couldn't be near him right now. She couldn't be around anyone.  
>Her mind went blank. The only one she could think of right now was Drew.<br>His face kept appearing in her mind.  
>She needed him.<br>He was the only one who could make her feel better when she felt this low. He proved that to her yesterday.  
>But the weird thing was, she could barely feel anything.<br>She was numb.  
>All she knew was that she needed him.<p>

She ran and ran and ran without stopping.  
>She had nothing. She didn't even bother taking her phone or her bag.<br>She needed him. She was running to him.  
>She finally reached the school, her adrenaline still keeping her from feeling out of breath.<p>

She ran through the halls until finally reaching the one containing his locker. She began to slow down and eventually stopped completely in the middle of the hall when she caught eye of him and...her.  
>Drew and Bianca.<br>Torres and DeSousa.

Why was he talking to her? His ex-girlfriend!  
>Clare knew she wasn't Drew's current girlfriend...yet.<br>But still, anyone could see what she and Drew had was special. And now he was standing there with Bianca and not her!

Clare, finally beginning to feel all the pain that had been numb for the past 20 minutes, now felt a few tears fall from her eyes.

The bell rang through her thoughts. Everyone began heading to their classes. She couldn't go to class, now.  
>Not like this.<p>

She turned around and began fast walking wothout a destination.

C&D C&D C&D C&D C&D

Bianca said goodbye to Drew as she began walking to her 1st period class. Suddenly she saw Clare Edwards dashing through the hall until she came to the staircase leading to the roof, where she noticed tears on the girl's face.  
>Bianca suddenly got a bad feeling about why Clare could be going up to the roof by herself, crying.<p>

"Clare!", Bianca called after her. But she didn't bother turning around, and continued running up the roof staircase. The late-bell rang and Bianca turned back toward the direction of Drew's locker, hoping he'd still be there.

He was.  
>Classic Drew,being late for class, she thought.<p>

"Drew". she called out, while approaching him.

"I just saw your girlfriend running through the halls crying-"

"You mean Clare? Where'd she go?", he asked worriedly.

"I saw her run up to the roof"

"What?", he asked with a confused expression, "why would she..."

They exchanged worried looks before Drew dropped his black messanger bag and ran through the hall toward the stairwell.

D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C

Meanwhile, Clare stood on the roof, tears flooding her face uncontrollably.  
>Clare reached the ledge of the roof and looked down. She'd been standing here for about two minutes and had already forgotten about the DrewBianca situation. Clare realized she had overreacted and now remembered Drew mentioning that his mom had been helping Bianca with legal stuff involving the gang situation.

But her overrection was what brought Clare up here. And she was glad.  
>Maybe..., she thought. Maybe this...is my escape.<p>

She thought back to the evanesense song about death being peaceful.

And besides, she didn't deserve to live, anyway. She had killed her best friend.

Murderers don't deserve to live, she thought.  
>That's why there's the death penalty.<p>

Clare took a step closer to the ledge, looking down, and then back up to the sky. More tears forming in her eyes now, she called out to the sky, "Alli!". She listened intently to the echo.

"Youre not my biggest disappointment, I am!", she began sobbing lightly. She then put one foot up to the ledge, about to fully stand on it, hands trembling.

Until, a pair of arms wrapped around her firmly and pulled her down.

She let out a shriek, followed by screaming, "Let me go, let me go!"

He turned her around to show her who he was, and when she saw it was Drew, she continued to scream and fight him off of her. But he wouldn't let her go, fearing she'd make her way back over to the ledge.

She continued trying to break free, yelling through her sobs. But he held onto her for dear life, almost embracing her. And that was what brought her back to reality. She finally broke down in tears and surrendered to his arms. And then she was the one holding onto HIM for dear life. He continued his grasp around her, practically dragging her through the door and back into the stairwell, trying to distance her as far as possible from the ledge.

She sobbed loudly into his chest, allowing him to drag her back down into the school. 

Once they were halfway down the stairs, she completely stopped moving .

She no longer allowed him to walk her, she just fell to her knees in the middle of the stairwell. Still holding onto him, she brought him down with her. She weeped loudly and uncontrollably into his chest. 

Drew, however, was in shock, still trying to figure out what had just happened. As realization dawned on him, he pulled her into his embrace, wrapping his arms around her so tightly, she could bary breathe. But she didn't care. She just needed him. 

Drew suddenly felt tears start to escape his eyes also. He tightened his arms around her even more. He couldn't believe he almost just lost her! 

He began thinking back to every conversation, every moment, every touch, every glance, every hug, every laugh, EVERYTHING. He had only known her for about a month, but suddenly he just couldn't think of life without her. 

More and more tears began pouring out of his eyes. And Drew NEVER cried. That day in the football field was just about the only exception.  
>Otherwise, nothing made him cry this much. He just hated it. <p>

Suddenly, he unwrapped his arms from around her amd looked into her eyes. 

"Clare, what were you doing?", he exclaimed. 

She was silent. 

"Clare why would you do that? How could you do that to ME? Don't you care about me at all?" 

He didn't mean to yell at her. He just hated to think that he almost lost her. 

He continued in a calmer tone,  
>"Don't you see how Alli doing that affected you? Were you really going to do that to me?"<p>

Silence. 

The guilt and sadness in her eyes.  
>It killed him seeing her like this.<br>He didn't know what else to do.  
>So he just gave up and kissed her.<br>He couldn't help it. He NEEDED to do it. 

He couldn't help but think that yesterday could have been his last time sharing an intimate moment with her. It could have been his last time holding her in his arms. It could have been his last chance to kiss those lips. 

It could have been his last moment with her.  
>And would have never been able to live with that.<p>

Suddenly, a figure standing in the door spotted them, and sighed in relief. 

Ending sucked, i know :P  
>Reviews = next update<br>Which will include more of Ms. DeSousa ;)


	10. Let the Friendship Begin

A/N: Enjoy!

After a few minutes if tearful kisses, a figure appeared in the stairwell. Clare and Drew looked up to see Bianca standing there watching with a very worried look. Sorry that she had interrupted their moment, she said,  
>"Sorry, I just... I was waiting for you guys to come back and when you didn't, i got worried..."<br>Truthfully, Bianca was expecting at the least to go up to the roof and see Drew looking down at the ground at his girlfriend who had plunged to her death on the concrete. But thank God that wasn't the case. Otherwise, she would have felt guilty for not chasing Clare up to the roof herself.  
>But there Drew and her were, holding one another in their arms with tearful eyes.<br>She had to ask.  
>"Were you just gonna...?", she began to ask Clare hesitantly. But she couldn't finish that question. How do you just ask someone if they were about to kill them self?<br>There was silence. Drew and Clare looked at each other hesitantly, knowing what Bianca was inquiring.  
>But she quickly piped up, "You know, it's really none of my business.. So, Never mind..." Clare was silent. So was Drew.<p>

Bianca continued as she began to walk slowly toward them while looking directly at Clare, "But if you were.. I can relate. I've been there"  
>Clare finally looked up at Bianca as she approached her.<br>"I've tried ending it all, thinking it would be like some kind of...escape for me."  
>Clare looked at Bianca directly in the face, seeing the understanding and caring expression she wore. She had never seen this side of her. She'd only seen the side of her that treated Adam like crap and the side of her that had that conflict with Alli.<br>But for this side of her to come out, she must have really understood how Clare was feeling.

And the escape thing. She seemed to really understand that.

How has this whole thing with Alli's suicide affected Bianca, she couldn't help but wonder.  
>Bianca continued,<br>"But, it's not worth it. Trust me, it's really not."  
>Drew met Clare's eyes for her to see him nodding his head in agreement.<p>

Bianca realized how this must have been affecting Drew, also.  
>"And all it does is hurt the people who love you. Even the people who barely know you... are affected by it."<p>

Clare looked down, tears forming in her eyes realizing how right Bianca was.  
>Before she knew it, Bianca and Drew were both standing there with their arms around her while she cried every last tear she had yet to shed.<p>

••••••••••••••••••••

Clare, Drew and Bianca sat at a small round table in the Dot. Clare looked down at the cup of coffee that Drew had ordered for her after she insisted she didn't want anything.  
>She couldn't believe what she had attempted at doing today. Was she crazy?<br>Probably.

Drew saw that Clare was upset with herself. She was silent, of course. But he just knew.  
>He knew Clare.<br>And even though he did not know her as the happy girl she used to be, this still wasn't her.  
>"Hey", he said softly, while taking her hand in his, "Don't beat yourself up about it."<br>Bianca piped up, "Yeah, we totally understand. Just...don't ever do that again, okay?" Bianca smiled softly at her.  
>Bianca's smile caused a small smile to spread on Clare's face, also. It was kind of strange seeing such a sincere smile on a bad girl.<br>She nodded and replied, "Trust me i won't".  
>Drew tightened his grasp on her hand.<br>He still couldn't believe how strongly he felt for this girl after knowing her just under a month.  
>Heck, their first kiss was only yesterday!<br>She just put him under this spell that he couldn't control. And she didn't even realize that she did it. All she knew was that he was the first real person she'd met in a while.  
>Why couldn't more guys be like him?, she thought. But it obviously didn't matter because he was all hers.<br>She smiled to herself at the thought.  
>He noticed this and wondered what she was thinking about. But before he could ask, the waiter came and plopped a couple of trays of food down on the table.<br>As Drew let go of Clare's hand he said to her, "You should eat something."  
>Clare sighed, while looking at the burger that was screaming her name, debating whether she should eat it or not. She was just so angry with herself, but mostly just shocked at her breakdown just a couple of hours ago.<br>"Yeah", Bianca added, "Everyone knows, fast food is comfort food"

Clare let out a weak laugh. She looked up at them hesitantly before picking up the burger and taking an extra large bite out of it for humor effect.  
>Bianca and Drew laughed and Clare smiled, beginning to come back to her usual flow again. Of course she wouldn't just forget about the pain that she had woken up to this morning, but who needs pain when your with people who care about you and make you feel happy?<p>

They began joking and laughing about random stuff that came to mind. Drew showed the girls some funny videos on his phone. And they were just generally having a good time.

Clare and Bianca talked about hot actors from sappy chick flicks while Drew sat there pretending to care. Clare and Bianca really started connecting. They had even switched numbers and gotten into some pretty deep, personal conversations about their messed-up families.  
>Bianca made sure to stay clear of any conversation that could lead to Alli, though.<p>

Around 3:00pm, they left the Dot and started to head home. But then Bianca mentioned that it'd be kind of weird of them to go straight home when they'd usually just be getting out of school at that time. So, in fear of their parents getting suspicious of them skipping school, they decided to hang out at the park for a bit.

Clare, Bianca and Drew were walking through the park, when Clare and Bianca saw an enpty set of swings, looked at each other and shouted, "Swingset!"  
>They both laughed and ran to each grab a swing, followed by ordering Drew to push them.<p>

He mock-frustratedly sighed and got behind them and pushed.

Then him and Clare began getting all cutsie and flirty. Drew then began pushing just Clare as she said, "Higher, higher!", imitating a little kid. So Drew kept pushing her higher.  
>And higher.<br>And higher.  
>And-<p>

CRASH

Drew accidently pushed too hard and the swing sent her flying to never-land...  
>And by that, I mean a huge leave pile a few feat away.<p>

Drew and Bianca looked at each other with worried expressions before hurrying over to the leaf pile.

They saw a hand flare up above the leaves and heard a shout saying, "Im okay!" Drew then spotted his girlfriend and laughed seeing her hair filled with leaves.  
>He laughed, "Well you did say higher"<p>

She rolled her eyes and laughed.

Then before Clare could get up, Drew ran too her and threw himself into the leaf-pile with her.

"You two are just too much", Bianca laughed while taking out ger phone to film the cute moment.

Drew grabbed his girlfriend and yelled "Tickle attack!"

"Ah, no!", Clare shrieked and began laughing uncontrollably as he tickled her. But the tickle attack slowly turned into a kiss attack as he kissed her face and her neck playfully while still attempting to tickle her.

Bianca stood in the sidelines, laughing while she continued recording the oblivious couple.  
>They're just so cute, she thought.<p>

A/N: Okay sooo hope you enjoyed

Tell me what ya liked, what ya hated, tell me EVERYTHING ;)

Reviews :')


	11. It's Okay To Cry

Drew and Clare sat in his room on a calm wednesday evening. They had been graced with a day of no homework, and were enjoying a few hours of peace together.

And by peace, i mean true relaxation. No television running, no video games; just Drew sitting on a beanbag with Clare on the floor, laying accross his lap, reading a book she had found laying around. Drew didn't read much so he guessed Adam had left it there one day, accidentily, while snooping in his room.

Drew was amazed he had found a girl who could read. Usually he'd be annoyed that he invited a girl over and she now lay in his room reading. But this was Clare. He had no issue with sitting around in complete silence in of his reading girlfriend.

She was different.

He didn't expect anything from her other than simply being graced by her presence.

Clare didn't annoy him with any thing she did. All she did was keep him company, talk with him about basically anything, and read, leaving him sitting in silence with nothing to do.

And who could be annoyed by that?

Well some guys would obviously get annoyed by the last thing, but Drew didn't care. He was just glad to have her here.

Laying accross his lap. Reading.

He looked at her face and she was reading so intensly, she looked like she could kill someone.

Ya gotta love this girl.

Drew shifted in the beanbag chair, suddenly earning her attention.

"Oh, no, sorry. I was to get comfortable. Continue reading", he said with a smile.

Honestly, he could sit there and watch her read all day.

"No, im sorry, i just got really caught up in this book", she closed it and put it down.

"No, really it's fine. Keep reading if you want to"

She giggled, "No, i came here to hang out with you. Im nit just gonna sit here reading forever"

He smiled, "Okay. Well, you can borrow it if you want. Take it home, stay up all night reading under the covers with a flashlight like i know you do"

She chuckled and rolled her eyes, "I do not do that that...all the time"

They laughed, smiling at each other. Once their laughter died down, they continued looking at each other with smiles.

Drew took her hand and pulled her up to sit beside him on the beanbag.

Their faces were pretty close, forcing Clare to look up at his. She found herself lost in thought while analyzing his facial features.

His ivory skin.

His flushed cheeks.

His muscular looking jaw.

His absutely captivating blue orbs.

And his lips.

They completely followed the "what you see is what you get" policy; soft, warm, and inviting.

Drew noticed her looking at his lips and took that as a bell of opportunity ringing.

He leaned in toward her,capruring her lips with his.

It was a nice kiss. It wasn't too short, although it felt that way to him. Clare on the other hand, found every second of her owning his lips as an eternity if paradise. She got lost in the feeling and just the slightest second was pleasing to her.

However, just like Drew, she never wanted it to end.

But, Drew tried not to go too far. He tried to make each kiss special but not TOO special. Clare was such an innocent girl. Even if she wasn't St. Clare anymore, she was absolutely perfect to him. She wasn't like the other girls he'd been with. She was way more special than them all.

So he didn't want to treat her the way he treated them; making out and eventually other things after barely knowing each other.

And he knew he had told her he didn't think they should kiss in fear of her emotions being out if whack and have her end up regretting it.

But, the day after he'd said that... He had almost lost her. And he hated even thinking it.

After that, he knew his feelings for Clare were true. So, he figured a couple of short kisses when they saw each other were no big deal.

Well, at least that's what he'd convinced himself of, because in reality, a kiss from Clare meant the whole world to him.

After they pulled away, Drew almost instinctly wrapped his arms around her as she leaned against his chest.

"What's your favorite thing in the whole world", she asked him.

"This", he replied.

Clare smiled, not looking at him, afraid to ruin the moment.

"What about you?", he inquired.

She blushed.

"Ummm... I would answer that, buuut youre gonna make fun of me"

He chuckled, "Why?...is it dirty?"

"No!", she exclaimed, smacking his arm. They both cracked up laughing.

"Then, seriously what is it?", he asked, re-wrapping his arms around her apologetically.

"Well, there's this aaand...reading?", she answered more as a question than an answer.

"Seriously?", he laughed, "You seriously love reading that much...?"

"Yeah..", she blushed.

"Well,then i guess i should feel honored having 'this' right up there next reading, huh?"

"Absolutely", she smiled sarcastically.

"Hmmm...what's your favorite color?", he asked.

"Huh?"

"What, i thought we were playing 20 questions or something", he chuckled.

"Oh, i guess blue"

"To match your eyes?"

"No", she laughed, "like dark blue."

"Oh"

"Yepp.."

"Your turn", he announced.

"Hmmm..."

Moments passed as she pondered what she should ask him.

"What's your biggest regret?", she asked quietly, while thinking of her own.

Drew was silent as his mind was filled with images of the short, long haired, dark-skinned girl. And then of a hispanic, curly-haired girl in the boiler room. Then back to the dark-skinned girl, tears streaming down her face.

Drew hadn't realized he'd been silent for quite some time, now.

"Drew?", she said turning to face him.

"Hm?"

"You didn't answer my question"

"Oh..sorry...um-"

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to...", she offered.

"No, it's fine. I'll answer. Um... I guess my biggest regret was... Cheating on Alli.."

He looked down shamefully, refusing to meet her eyes.

Clare didn't know what to say. All she could do was just look at him with compassion.

He continued, "I cheated on her with Bianca...in the boiler room"

Clare of course already knew all this because Alli had told her of it all. But it was interesting hearing it coming from him.

"I knew it was wrong.. And i did care about her. I just, somehow, put all of those feelings aside and...did that. Because i was selfish..."

Clare put her hand on his shoulder, comfortingly.

"And now...", he continued hesitantly, "she's gone. And i know what i did, happened a long time ago. But, somehow i always seem to find myself thinking that..."

He couldn't finish that sentence.

But Clare knew what he was getting at.

Drew felt himself tearing up, and Clare could see it.

Suddenly, a single tear drop slip down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away, and clearing his throat he said, "So, do you wanna watch a movie or something?"

She looked at him, shaking her head.

"Drew, its okay to cry , you know", she said caringly.

"No, it's not", he retorted.

"Why?...Because crying is weak? I thought you were better than that stupid male pride crap, Drew"

"It's not about the male pride crap"

"Then what is it?"

"Crying-", he hesitated.

"Crying would be admitting that-", he paused when his voice broke, trying to hold back the tears forming in his eyes.

"-that I was a reason that she..."

And that was it.

He finally broke.

Clare took him into her arms once he let out a soft sob. This soft sob was followed by many more.

She held the broken boy in her arms, tracing circles on his back. She began carressing his soft hair.

All this seemed to slowly calm him down, but she could tell that he was still crying.

He held onto her so tight.

All he needed was her. Nothing else could make him feel better.

Clare was his antadote. She just made everything better and all the pain go away. She gave him the one thing he needed.

Hope.

He felt her kiss his hair.

How did she make everything seem so perfect?

She made every moment feel like Heaven, especially when the moment had intended to be a bad one.

His sobs had ceased, and his tears were coming slower now.

Drew just took in the moment, feeling so comfortable with her there.

Drew barely ever cried. And when he did, it would always be in his room, with his door locked, music blasting so no one could hear his sobs. He had never opened up in front of someone like this before. But he was glad she was the one he broke in front of. He knew with all his heart that she truely cared for him. She was the most sincere person he knew and could ever wish for.

He had always expected crying in front of someone to be embarrassing, shameful, weak, etc..(Wow, he never realized how much male pride he really did have).

But it wasn't. It was a relief to finally be able to let out all the hurt to someone who truely cared and understood. Clare wouldn't look down on him and think of him as weak.

She was just there for him, and she took it as a pleasure to be the one comforting him.

That she was the one wrapping her arms around him and caressing his hair.

That she was the one whispering sweet things in his ear to calm him down.

And that he was the one resting in her arms.

And that she, and she alone was the one who could get him to open up about his deepest emotions.

And that she would never judge him, and that she'd always be understanding.

But not because that was her nature.

But, because she cared about him.

And that was when Drew realized,

This was love.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Tell me whatcha think ;)

And if any suggestions for future chapters,... PLEASE LET ME KNOW...

Reviews :')


	12. Where Blaming Yourself Gets You

A/N: Okay, sooo im sorry that almost every chapter has someone crying in it lol but yeahh... I felt this one was necissary x) Barely any tears though, I promise :P  
>This is just a random scene with Clare and Bianca. So I guess you clarebiancaXfriendship fans will like it :) and if not...skip to the next chapter, I guess lol

Btw, sry haven't been following thru on my daily updates thing! But dont worry, already got the next couple of chapters all typed up ;)

Read:')

Clare and Bianca sat in Clare's room one calm Friday evening. Clare was in search for a good song to play on her iPod as Bianca attempted at painting her nails.

"Clare, keep still! You're gonna end up with a purple hand", Bianca urged.

Clare laughed, "I'm sorry, im trying. I'm just gonna die if i can't find this song! My mom better not have deleted it!"

Clare's mom, along with the rest of her 'family' had been hassling her about her choice in music lately. Apparently rock was not the norm for a 16 year old Edwards.

Jake, on the other hand, could care less. All he did was scold her and call her emo, joking, "Now let me check your wrists, Clarabelle", before they left for school each morning.

If only he knew how serious of a statement that was, considering what she attempted at doing just a few weeks earlier.

"Sooo", Bianca piped up, breaking through her thoughts.

"Sooo...?", Clare questioned.

"How are you and Torres?", she asked with a sly smile.

"Hmmm.. you mean me and Adam? We're great friends, thanks for asking", Clare replied sarcastically.

"Ugh, you know I mean Drew"

"I know... We're doing fine", she answered trying not to smile too big or blush.

"So, you guys are like official now, right?"

"Yeah, I think so. We just got so close so fast. It's kinda crazy, you know?"

"Crazy in the good way, though. Right?", Bianca inquired.

"Of course", Clare smiled, looking down at her iPod.

"Awww, you've got the blushies!", Bianca teased.

"I do not!"

"Yes you do, Edwards!", Bianca said, pinching her cheeks.

They giggled as Bianca finished painting Clare thumb nail.

"Okay, all done!", she announced

Clare had gotten to know Bianca pretty well these past few weeks. Who knew a suicide attempt would gain Clare a best friend?

Bianca turned out to be decent person. With Bianca's bad reputation and all, she would have never expected her to so cool and fun to be around. Bianca actually was pretty warm-hearted. She had things in her life that weren't so good. She knew what it was like to hurt. She wasn't just one of those stuck-up, snobby mean girls with the perfect life, who thought that they were better than everyone.

In fact, Bianca wasn't really a mean girl at all anymore. Sure, she still had her sarcasm, and know-it-all charm. But, turns out that was just her. She just chose not to use her personality in a negative way on innocent people.

But the question bugging Clare...  
>Why? What made Bianca stop ripping on people with visible flaws...?<p>

"Hey, B?"

"Yeah, Clare?"

"What changed?"

"What do you mean?", Bianca asked, looking very confused.

"I mean...what made you stop..._ bullying _people?", she asked awkwardly, afraid of upsetting her new friend.

Bianca was silent as she put the finishing touches on Clare's nails.

"B...?"

Bianca sighed as she put, "I just...some things just change you, Clare"

"What kinds of things?"

Bianca gave her a pointed look. "Why do you care so much?"

Clare could tell her friend was getting agitated. It wasn't her intension, but Clare needed to know. Clare had changed so drastically, so fast. These past two months but she had no idea why or how. Sure, she knew it had to do with her best friend's death, but some changes in her attitude and habits just didn't make sense. Was the the only one going through these changes?

She had an idea that Bianca's transition might have some kind of connection to Alli also, but she just needed to hear it. She needed to know she wasn't crazy or just overreacting to this tragedy.

But if pulling this information out of Bianca was going to hurt her, it just wasn't worth it.

"Never mind. It's not important", Clare backed down.

Both girls were silent.  
>Bianca closed up the bottle of nail polish and wiped off the traces of purple paint off of her fingers.<p>

Just as Clare was about to think of a new topic to steer away from the silence, Bianca spoke up.

"After i woke up one morning to my sister dragging me into the TV room and saw that a girl from Degrassi was found dead in her bedroom with a gun on the floor..."

Clare's eyes locked with Bianca's when she heard her voice break.

"All i could think about was...'was i one of the reasons..that led up to her doing that?'"

Clare could tell that Bianca was fighting back her tears. She felt guilty for digging up these emotions in her companion.

"Bianca i'm sorry", she said taking her hand caringly. "I shouldn't have even asked.

A few stray tears rolled down Bianca's cheeks as she quickly tried to wipe them away.

"It's fine", Bianca tried faking a smile, refusing to appear weak. She continued hesitantly, "I just.. I guess that made me learn my lesson.. You know, that i'm not better than anyone and..people have just as much crap to deal with as me, everyday"

Clare's crystal blue eyes gleamed in rhe dim light if her room as she looked at Bianca with compassion and understanding.

"I know", was all she could muster up in responce to Bianca's explanation.

Bianca felt good confiding in Clare on this topic, as she knew Clare had a similar emotional experience as a result of Alli's death.

She continued, "And...when I used to _bully _people, I would just say to myself "What doesn't kill 'em, makes 'em stronger, right?" Wrong! Sonetimes it just tears you down! People's words tare you down!"  
>Bianca paused, realizing she was going on a rant. But, she couldn't help it. She was just overly passionate when it came to her past mistakes.<p>

"And sometimes, it literally kills you... God, what i did, killed someone!", a sob escaped her throat at the last part.

She couldn't fight back the tears any longer. She no longer wanted to.

"B, no! Don't say that!", Clare grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Look at me, Bianca. If there's anyone to blame here, it's me"

Bianca looked at her with sad eyes.

"But we can't just go around blaming ourselves anymore. Do you see what I almost did a few weeks ago? That's where blaming yourself gets you, Bianca. On the Degrassi High rooftop. And I'm not gonna let either of us end up there again."

Clare let go of the grip she had on Bianca's shoulders.  
>"'Cause we're in this together now, B"<p>

Bianca felt a smile creep up on her face.

"Me, you...and Drew"

They both smiled.

Bianca was overwhelmed with joy. She had gone from heart-break mode to completely sincere smiles. She finally had someone she could rely on. Someone who understood her and just...someone to hold onto. And that was all that mattered.

Taking Clare by surprise, Bianca pulled Clare into a tight hug.

Clare accepted the embrace and smiled, knowing she was probably Bianca's first _real_ friend in a while.

At least they both had someone to hold onto. 


	13. NonSuckish Sick Days

A/N: Heyy guys! I'm proud of this chapter, so hope you guys like it! Btw you guys should chek out my tumblr, basically everything I post is about degrassi :) the name there is moxxyrain

Drew, Clare, Bianca and Adam all sat together in lunch one afternoon. Usually, Adam sat with Eli at lunch, but for the past couple of weeks he had been sitting with them. Eli had become more and more social, lately. So social that he had girls crawling all over him.  
>He sat with a variety of people; from jocks, to science club nerds, to girls who were completely in love with him.<p>

The guy atrracted alot of people when he wasn't dressed in all black, skinny jeans and eyeliner.

He attracted so many people, in fact, that he had no time and attention left for Adam. Adam obviously saw this as a suckish thing, but Clare had to admit she was kind of glad. Her and Adam used to be so close but after her breakup with Eli, they had become so distant. So Clare was glad she was getting a chance to gain a best friend back.

"Sooo...", Bianca said trying to break the silence. "Why's everyone so quiet?"

They all remained silent.

"Hello people!", she exclaimed, finally gaining their attention.

"Oh...yeah...heyy..sorry, sup", they all muttered as a bunch.

"I'm just thinkin' about my chem test later", Adam said.

"And my English paper", Clare piped up. "I haven't even started it yet". She looked down at her potatoes regretfully.

"Awe, that reminds me I have a math test- Wait", she paused. "What am I saying? I don't care about math tests. I've been hanging with you people too much", she shook her head in mock-regret.

Clare and Adam laughed. But Drew remained silent, staring at his untouched plate of food.  
>"Drew, what's your deal? You haven't said a word in like forever", Bianca said with an inquisitive expression.<p>

"Yeah, hun. You okay? You haven't even touched your lunch", his girlfriend added worriedly.

"How motherly of you, Clare", Bianca joked.

"Shut up", Clare giggled.

"I dunno, just... Someone get rid of this crap before I hurl" he said gesturing toward his lunch tray with a look of disgust.

"Oh, it's just the food? It doesn't look _that_bad...", Clare inquired as Adam slid the disposable tray off of the table and into the trash can.

"Nah", he sighed. "I've been feelin' kinda gross all day"

"Oh", Clare put her hand on his back, lovingly.

"Dude, just call mom and ask her to bring you home", Adam suggested.

"Nah, man", he said tiredly. "I think i'll be fi-"

At that moment, he covered his mouth, stood up, and ran toward the men's room.

Adam then sighed and took out his phone.

"Calling your mom?", Clare asked.

"Yep"

As Adam began explaining Drew's dilema to their mother, Clare turned to face Bianca.

"Awwe, my poor baby", she expressed with a saddened look. "I should've known he wasn't feeling well. He barley said a word all day."

"Chill out, hun. You're not Super Woman", she said with a caring smile.

Clare returned a bitter-sweet smile. "I'm gonna go check on him", she said as she arose from the table.

"M'kay", Bianca approved.

It wasn't until Clare had made her way to the boy's bathroom that she realized she hadn't thought this thing through.

How was she supposed to just waltz into the men's room like it's nobody's business?

A tall, bulky, football player-looking guy stepped out of the restroom.

"Hey, is Drew in there?", she asked.

"Yeah" he said with a smirk, shaking his head, "throwin' his guts up. Trust me, not a pretty sight". And with that, he was gone.

Clare's compassion for her boyfriend just grew even more. Some girls would just have be grossed out by that comment and left. But Clare was just even more determined now to be by his side and comfort him in any way she could.

Another young man walked out of the restroom. He was kind of scrawny, with curly hair and glasses.

"Wesley, is anyone else in there?"

"Yeah, Drew. He's throwin' his-"

"Yeah, yeah. I know, throwing his guts up. But anyone else in there?", she asked frantically.

"Nope", he said walking away.

Was she really going to do this? Just take Wesley word for it and just walk into the men's room...?

Clare suddenly came up with an idea. She asked the first person who walked past her for a piece of paper.

She took a pen out of her back pocket and wrote 'out of order' on the lined sheet, and used her currently-being-chewed gum to stick it onto the door.

She then opened the door slowly, squinting her eyes in fear of seeing some other dude that wasn't her boyfriend. But she fully opened her eyes to just see Drew coughing miserably. Sitting on the floor. Next to a toilet.

"Oh, Drew", she said sympathetically, making her way over to him.

She took a place on the floor next to him (making sure it was a clean spot first...she knew guys could be slobs) and wrapped her arms around his torso.

"Babe, are you okay? I'm so sorry your sick", she said rubbing his back.

He gave her a small, tired smile.

"Don't worry about me, Hun", he said resting his chin on her head.

"Do you think you can make it to the nurse's office? I mean, your brother already called your mom, but the nurse probably has to see you to let you leave"

He sighed. Why'd the world have to be so cruel?

Drew barely wanted to move. But, he knew he'd have to get up eventually if he wanted to go home.

"Okay", he took her hand as they both attempted to get up together. But suddenly he fell back to his knees and hovered over toilet.

Clare frowned, seeing how sick he was. She began rubbing his back comfortingly. She didn't know what else to do. It's not like she could hold back his hair or anything.

Suddenly someone entered the restroom.

Conner stood there looking shocked.

"Clare, what are you doing in the boy's bathroom?"

"Conner, didn't you see the sign that says 'out if order'?"

"It was pasted on the door with chewing gum. I thought it was some kind of joke..."

She sighed, and looked back to her boyfriend who was done "getting sick".

"Conner, can you please get us the nurse?"

"Sure...but I kind of had to use the bathroom"

"Then use the bathroom _upstairs, _AFTER you get the nurse!"

"Fine", he rolled his eyes and exited the bathroom.

She looked to Drew, taking him in her arms once again.

He gave her an amused look.

"What?", she asked.

"Chewing gum. Really, Clare?"

She giggled, "Well, I didn't exactly have thumb-tack handy"

"Yeah, but still. You're sitting on the floor of boy's bathroom with me. Most girls would just send a get-well card"

She smiled. "Well i'm not most girls, Drew"

He smiled tiredly at her. He swore he would've kissed her if he wasn't as sick as a dog.

She wrapped her arms around him warmly as he cuddled up to her. He of course tried keeping his mouth and hands away from her, in fear of getting her sick.

The nurse eventually arrived and let him free into his mother's care. Drew and Clare said their goodbye's and the nurse gave her a pass back to class.

During her math class, she snuck a quick text to Drew.

I hope you'll feel better soon baby  
>33<br>-Clare

Thanks hun 3 :)  
>-Drew<p>

She sighed, smiling.

She was so glad she could be there for him.

D&C D&C D&C D&C

Drew lay in his bed with a tired look, circles under his eyes, and a pinkish colored nose. Yet he wore a small smile as his beautiful companion sat beside him; her body leaned over his as she left kisses trailing down his jaw line and his neck.

Drew was sick. And she had come over that Saturday to keep him company while his mom and brother were absent from the house.

She then kissed his lips and he murmured, "you're gonna get sick".

But she ignored the comment and kissed him again, slower and more tenderly, proving her point: She didn't care.

Clare looked at his face. His eyes fluttered open and closed letting her know he was slowly drifting into sleep. She leaned back next to him, her back leaning against the wall, so that he was leaning against her. Her arms were wrapped around his chest while she gently rested her chin on his head.

Her slow breaths and the rise and fall of her chest immediately sent him into a comfortable sleep. But he suddenly awoke a moment later, willing himself to stay awake for Clare. She noticed this and whispered softly in his ear, "Go to sleep, Drew. I'll be here when you wake up".

"No, I-..."

He caressed her hand that was wrapped around him.

"Shh..", she soothed as she began caressing his hair with the hand he wasn't holding.  
>And with that, he was out cold.<br>She smiled, holding his still, soft body in her arms.

She was pretty sure he would love sick days for now on.  
>Because as long as she was in his life, she would do whatever it took to make him happy and feel better no matter what he was going through.<p>

From the slightest cold to the biggest monstrosity, she was his to hold.

A/N: Eh, I thought it was cute :P

And I know this may be beginning to seem just like a sappy series of oneshots, but trust me the classic Degrassi drama WILL come soon, my friends thanks for all the reviews, alert, and favoriting so far. LOVE YOU ALL !

Reviews:')


	14. That Must Be It

**A/N: Okay everyone, so here is a pretty long juicy chapter for you guys ;D Just a not, in this story, Adam is not transgender (of course, no offence to anyone). Therefore, him and Bianca do not have any history with each other. Kay? **

**Kay.**

**Read:')**

Clare sat in front of the vanity mirror while Bianca held a pair of tweezers dangerously close to Clare's blue orbs.

"Ouch!" Clare yelled for the millionth time in the past ten minutes, as Bianca plucked a hair from the girl's

The girls, along with Drew and Adam, would be attending a party that night. And Bianca had insisted on giving Clare a make-over.

Clare had originally just asked her friend if she could borrow some lip gloss for the night, but Bianca's itching ears took that as a begging plead for "give me a make-over"(italics)

And Clare had no choice but to just go along with it. So now, here she was in Bianca's room, getting her eyebrows plucked one by one in 'perfection' (Bianca's words, not hers).

"Okay, just one more and..."

"OUCH!", Clare cried in pain.

"Done!" Bianca announced gleefully. "Okay, now for your outfit"

"What?" Clare questioned while rubbing her sore eyebrow. "I thought I'd just go with what I'm wearing"

Bianca stopped in her tracks as she made her way over to her closet and looked at Clare.  
>"Hun, no offense but you are SO not dressed for a party"<p>

Clare consciously looked down at her outfit which consisted of a graphic tee and a black pair of ripped jeans.

"I'm not?", Clare asked, embarrassed.

"Definitely not", Bianca replied. She looked through her closet in search of the perfect outfit for Clare.

"Hmmm... How about...This!"  
>Bianca held up a cute floral-patterned dress. "Not exactly my style for a party, but I think it'd suit you!"<p>

Clare wore a hesitant expression, "I dunno, B...-"

"Put it on Edwards", Bianca ordered, throwing the dress at Clare; almost nailing her in the face with it.

Clare rolled her eyes knowing any kind of objection was out of the question. She closed the door behind her as she entered Bianca's walk-in closet.

Moments later, Bianca heard a gasp come from the closet. She burst through the door worriedly, "What! What's wrong?"

Clare stared at herself in the closet mirror hanging on the door in amazement.

Bianca sighed in relief seeing as nothing was wrong.

She smiled, "Clare, you look hot!"

Clare smiled in agreement. But her smile slowly began to fade.

Alli used to dress her up like this all the time.

"You alright, Edwards?", Bianca inquired, noticing a change in Clare's expression.

Clare looked up at her friend and then back at her mirror reflection. Feeling good about how great she looked, she decided not to dwell on the memory.

She wanted to be happy tonight. She wanted to feel good about herself.

Clare nodded her head assuringly, "Yeah, I'm fine"

The two girls smiled at each other.

"Okay, so I guess I'll get changed now, and we'll just wait for the guys to get here", Bianca announced.

"Okay". Clare stepped out of the walk-in and back into Bianca's room. Bianca stepped into the closet, holding her clothes and shut the door behind her.

Clare took a seat on the bed trying to clear her mind when her phone beeped.

She fished it out of her purse and opened the new text message.

We're here  
>-Adam<p>

We're almost ready. Let yourselves in, the door should be open  
>-Clare<p>

"B, Drew and Adam are here", Clare called out.

"Kay!" Bianca's voice came from the closet.

A few moments passed when suddenly, the closet door opened, revealing a very well-dressed Bianca.

Clare rose from the bed, amazed. "B, you look amazing"

She wore a deep red, curve-defining dress with tall black boots.

"Why, thank you", Bianca replied.

They then both grabbed their purses, walking arm-in-arm to the door.

Just as they were both about to descend the staircase, Clare said she needed to make a pit-stop to the little girls' room.

Bianca rolled her eyes and laughed. "'Kay, hurry up!"

Bianca began walking down the stairs as Clare rushed to the bathroom.

Just as she was halfway down, Adam stood up from the couch, turning around to see who was making the footsteps he heard.

His jaw dropped. Literally.

Bianca reached the last step, smiling at Adam's reaction.

He just stood there dumbfounded.

"Um, hello to you too?...", she said.

"Hey", he greeted nervously. "You look...very...um..."

Drew rose from the couch, also, laughing at his brother's shocked reaction to the girl's appearance.

"Dude, close you mouth. Flies might get in there."

Adam glared at his brother's comment.

Bianca rolled her eyes at the two, still slightly blushing from Adam's reaction.

Suddenly a new pair of footsteps were heard from the top of the staircase. All eyes averted and were now focused on Clare.

Now, Drew was the one with a dropped jaw.

Clare gracefully glided down the stairs in her borrowed heels.

Bianca smiled while Adam chuckled at his brother's facial expression. His eyes were practically bulging out of his head. Adam wondered if that was what he had looked like just moments ago.

Clare walked straight up to her dumbfounded boyfriend.  
>He seemed as if to be in a daze which he barely broke out of as she approached him.<p>

"Hey", she smiled, kissing him on the cheek.

"H-hi", he smiled at her. He tried his hardest not to look shocked. He didn't want to discomfort her, making her think it was a shock seeing her look nice. Clare, of course, always looked nice. But tonight, she looked absolutely amazing. His state of shock was purely out of adoration, whereas, Adam's for Bianca was probably out of pure lust.

"You look really nice", Clare complimented.

Drew looked dumbfounded.

She was so humble. She was the one looking like a top model meanwhile he wore some jeans and a leather jacket.

Drew was speechless while him and his girlfriend smiled at each other.

Clare finally realized the way he was looking at her due to her appearance. She blushed, understanding his speechlessness.

Bianca smiled at the cute moment her friends were sharing. "Okay, well I guess we should probably get going then. Shall we?"

"We shall", Clare said hooking her boyfriend's arm with hers.

They smiled at each other, both slightly blushing, and exited the house.

Adam then got up the courage to offer Bianca his arm and sge accepted, hooking her arm with his. Adam blushed, his confidence building every moment.

They exited the house also, following Drew and Clare to Drew's car.

Drew opened the door to the passenger's seat for Clare, before taking a seat behind the steering wheel. As they saw Adam and Bianca approaching the car, Drew whispered in his companion's ear, "You look beautiful tonight"

She blushed and replied with a shy "thank you".

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The olive colored jeep pulled up in front of a large house.

They saw lights on in the windows of every window with figures standing behind them, conversing and some holding drinks.

"Whelp, this is it", Drew announced while taking off his seatbelt.

He got out of the car, slamming his door, and rushed around to the passenger's side and opened the door for Clare. He offered her his hand helping her out of the car. Once she was fine, standing upright on the sidewalk, she expected him to just let go of her hand. But he didn't. He only adjusted their grip and tightened it snuggly.

She blushed as she felt her heart flutter at these little things he did for her. It was turning out to be the perfect night, and they hadn't even entered the party yet. Just knowing that he loved the way she looked that night, and him holding her hand the way he did had her completely satisfied.

They watched as Adam also made a similar gesture as Drew and was helping Bianca out of the car.

Hmmm. Unofficial dates, much?, Clare thought smugly.

She smiled at them and then looked up at Drew. He didn't seem to be too happy with the arrangement.

"Drew", Clare said getting his attention.

"Hm?"

"You okay?", she asked.

He looked back at his brother and his ex who were now giggling about something.

Drew sighed and looked back to Clare. "Yeah, Hun, I'm fine. Let's just enjoy the night." He forced a smile upon his face and she smiled back.

"Okay", she said hesitantly.

"C'mon guys, let's go inside", he called to the other couple.

They all walked to the entrance of the house.

Just as Clare was about to knock on the door, Drew just opened it and led her in.

She blushed. She really needed to catch up on her knowledge of parties.

The four entered the house. There were lots of people talking, laughing and dancing to loud music that was playing.

"Oh, Adam I _love_this song! Dance with me?", Bianca offered.

"Sure", Adam smiled and accepted her hand as she led him to a spot to dance.

Drew, still unhappy with the arrangement of his brother and ex, shook off the annoyed feeling he had.

He looked at his beautiful companion, and realized she might not want to just jump into the party scene and dance just yet. So he took notice of a nearby table with snacks and drinks.

"Want something to drink?" he asked her.

She nodded her head in agreement and followed him to the refreshments. He poured her a cup of Sprite, remembering it was her favorite.

Clare smiled and accepted the drink as Drew began pouring his own.

"Sooo..." he began, wrapping an arm around her."How's my favorite girl doing?"

Clare blushed. "She's great now that she here with you"

He smiled and took a sip from his cup.

A few hours went by. Drew introduced Clare to some of his old football buds who actually still talked to him. Some of them winked complimenting him on his attractive girlfriend.

There were lots of laughs between Drew, Clare and his friends. Meanwhile, Adam and Bianca secluded themselves together from everyone. They were having a good time dancing and just talking.

Bianca had to admit, she was really finding herself attracted to Adam. He was so sweet and his innocent blue eyes had her dazed.

But the main thing that sent her heart flying, he respected her.

Besides the star struck reaction from her sexy outfit earlier, he actually cared about her emotions. He wasn't all over her when they were dancing. When they talked, he didn't try easing his way into any flirty conversations. He just acted so normal. He knew appropriate boundaries when it came to girls.

And she loved that about him. Sure, he was kind of dorky with his comic book addiction and all, but she didn't care. She hadn't met a guy like this in so long who actually respected her.

She had(italics) to have him.

Adam and Bianca sat on the couch.

"...so", Bianca continued, "When Alli...did what she did..., I just realized how wrong it was of me to treat people like that"

Adam nodded his head in understanding and looked deeply into her eyes.

Bianca felt like he could see through to her soul. She caught her breath that she did not know she was holding.

"So, do you want to dance some more?" she asked.

"Sure". He smiled at her sweetly as he led her to go dance.

Drew and Clare sat on a couch together. They had been talking and laughing and having a good time. But still they had not stepped foot on the make-shift dance floor in the living room of the house. Drew didn't want to ask Clare to dance, not knowing if she actually wanted to. And he didn't want to make her feel obligated to. But then again, he thought, what if she wants to dance and is waiting for me to ask her?...

"Clare, would you like to dance?", he asked.

Just as she was about to answer, he continued with a short rant.

"I mean, we don't have to dance if you don't want to. I'm having a good time just sitting here with you. But if you do want to dance then we could… Unless you don't want to, then that's fine too-"

"Drew", she interrupted him, rising from the couch. She held her hand out to him. "Would you like to dance?"

He smiled and got up, taking her hand in his. "Yes, Clare, I'd be honored"

They both chuckled and made their way to the dancing area of the room.

Drew put his hands on her hips as she wrapped her hands comfortably around his neck. She leaned her head on his shoulder.

The soft song played on as many couples swayed together with the music.

Suddenly Drew spotted Adam and

Bianca on the dance floor as well. They had their arms wrapped around one another while looking at each other giggling about a cute something or other.

Clare noticed her boyfriends silence and looked up at him. She followed his eyes to see what he was looking at.

She smiled, "Their so cute together, don't ya think?"

"Yeah", Drew answered, dully. "Adorable"

Clare noticed some sort of annoyance or frustration in his voice. It matched the strange looks he was giving them earlier.

"Drew, what's with you?"

"What do you mean?", he asked.

"What's your problem with them being together?"

"I don't have a problem with them being together", he lied.

"That didn't sound very convincing", she stated.

He was silent. She looked into his eyes, feeling her own starting to tear up at the thought currently going through her head.

"Are you…jealous?", Clare accused.

Drew's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"I mean… are you jealous of your brother being with your ex girlfriend?"

"What? Clare, no, that's not it"

"Then what is it? What else could it possibly be? I mean you guys are friends, it's not like you wouldn't _approve_ of her for him"

"Clare-"

"That has to be then, doesn't it?... You're not over her!"

Drew was growing frustrated. She refused to listen to him.

But that's when he saw the tears streaming down her face. The thick tears streaming from her eyes: they broke his heart instantly.

"Hun, c'mon. Please just listen to me. You don't understand"

"No, Drew, I think I do…" And with that, she was out the door.

Reviews:')


	15. Only Hurting Myself

**A/N: Hey guys! Hope no one hates me for that last chapter o.o  
>Just wanna say, I LOVE my wonderful reviewers! Even the smallest review makes me happy dance xP<strong>

**Okay, so I guess this is a continuation to the last chapter. Here's a little of the end of chapter 14 to jog your memory.**

Last time on Someone to Hold Onto...

_"That has to be it then, doesn't it?... You're not over her!"_

_Drew was growing frustrated. She refused to listen to him. But that's when he saw the tears streaming down her face.  
>The thick tears streaming from her eyes; they broke his heart instantly.<em>

_"Hun, c'mon. Please just listen to me. You don't understand"_

_"No, Drew, I think I do…"_

_And with that, she was out the door._

**Read:')**

Drew watched longingly as his girlfriend walked out the door.

Was she even his girlfriend anymore?  
>He had no idea.<p>

He hoped so...

As he felt tears begin to sting his eyes, he decided he couldn't just let her get away. He needed her.

Sure, he was kind of agitated that she wouldn't listen to what he had to say. But, he wasn't just going to let some big misunderstanding tear them apart.

Drew started toward the door. He took notice of his brother and ex dancing as he past them. At this point, he both resented and envied them.

Drew exited the house, only to find nothing. An empty front yard and no sight of Clare. Was she really that upset, that she'd walk home in the cold? In a dress…?

Drew sighed heavily and just stood there on the welcome mat, staring into space. He was numb. Numb to the cold, and numb to what had just happened.

He was still trying to process it. It all had just happened so fast... The accusations, the tears, her leaving.

Why?, he wondered aloud. Why me?...

"Why what?" a soft feminine voice came from behind him.

Could it be-?

Nope. Not Clare.

Just Katie.

His short-term ex-girlfriend, Katie. They had gone out for a short time after he had ended things with Bianca.

But he soon realized she was just as much trouble. No, she didn't have any gang affiliations. No ex-boyfriends who sold drugs or owned guns.

But she somehow made everything just as dramatic, though.

Long story short... She was a drama queen.

He fell for her though. He fell hard.

She was beautiful, sweet and caring. But she brought more drama into a relationship than he could handle at the time.

His heart was completely smashed when they broke up, but he knew it was for the best.

"Nothing", he replied lowering his head.

"You sure?..." Katie took a step closer to him and studied his face. "It doesn't seem like nothing"

He sighed. "Well, it is _something_. Just nothing of your interest, I don't think"

"Why do you say that?"

"Girlfriend troubles", he stated in a 'nuff said' kind of way.

"Oh...Clare?"

"Yeah...it's just-" He paused and gave her a strange look. "Wait, how did you know I'm with Clare?"

"Oh, c'mon. Who _doesn't_ know that you two are together?", she chuckled in a kind of hurried manner.

"Yeah... I don't know it's just... She and my ex- Bianca- are like best friends now. And I'm fine with that, really. They both needed a friend, I guess. But...now I'm not so sure I want Bianca in our little circle..."

"And why is that?", Katie asked.

He sighed. "I don't know, it's just...I have my reasons but it's complicated. And Clare just jumped to the conclusion that I still have feelings for Bianca"

"Why does she think that?"

"Because I'm not so fond of the idea of my brother dating Bianca", Drew replied.

"And why is that?", she pushed.

"Like I said, I have my reasons..."

A few silent moments passed until Drew spoke up once again.

"She just wouldn't listen to me..."

"Well that seems kind of...selfish of her. Don't you think?", Katie suggested.

"No, Clare isn't selfish. That's actually what I love about her. She's just kind of...quick to judge", he frowned.

"Well that isn't any better, is it?", Katie said discouragingly.

Drew sighed. He no longer wished to talk about this. He knew that everyone had their faults and this was one of Clare's.

But it wasn't because she was stuck up and could care less about what he had to say...

Or was she...?

No. he shook the thought away.

Clare was just insecure. She had been hurt so many times before that she now felt as if anyone would try to cause her pain. Even if she knew they loved her.

But was this any excuse...?, he thought.

Of course it was.

He sighed. Maybe he shouldn't have been talking to Katie about this. He was now beginning to remember why he had broken up with this girl.

She really knew how to screw with people's minds.

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Clare walked into her warm home; her face feeling as if it were being defrosted.

But she could care less about the cold, despite her body being shaky and stiff.

Clare's eyes stung with the thick, hot tears she refused to release; Her eyes red from holding them back.

She quickly ran up to her room, not wanting anyone seeing her in this pain.

Especially Jake. He'd only mock her.

She slammed the door to her room shut behind her. She breathed deeply and heavily, feeling as, if she could jump out of her own skin.

She couldn't cry. She refused to. No guy would bring her to the edge like this. Or at least that's what she had promised herself.

Because Drew was becoming an exception to that promise.

When it came to Drew, he caused her to reach her breaking point. She cared about him _too_ much.

She cared so much, that even after making the realization of him being a jerk, she still could not control her emotions.

Clare paced around her room, willing herself to think about something other than Drew.

She looked at the wall, the ceiling, the carpet...  
>The design on her bed sheets.<br>Her hair brush. Dirty clothes in a corner on the floor. An old radio, TV, a picture of her and Drew...

Clare stop in her pacing as she laid eyes on the picture.

Her breathing became heavier and heavier, faster and fast.

Until she felt hot tears begin streaming down her face. She looked down, ashamed.

Ashamed of letting this get to her. Of breaking because of a guy.

But he wasn't just a guy. He was Drew.

She put her hands to her mouth as a whimper escape her lips. She began sobbing hard.

She plopped down on her bed and cried into her pillow.

This couldn't be happening.  
>Not to her. Not with Drew. It just couldn't.<p>

What they had was perfect.

So much for perfection, she thought.

It was all dawning down on her too fast.

She should have known he wasn't over Bianca. How could she be so _stupid_?

Clare stopped her sobbing, silent tears still streaming down her face. She looked at the picture of her and Drew once again that sat of her bedside table.

She felt anger surging through her veins.

_He tricked me!,_ she thought. He lied to me! He never cared about me.

Every touch, every kiss. It was a lie! All a lie! How dare he?

That bastard she yelled, looking at the picture.

Before Clare could process what she was doing, she rose from her bed defiantly, grabbed the framed picture and threw it across the room.

It hit the wall and she heard the glass shattering along with the wooden frame bang against the wall.

She breathed heavily.

In another mindless act, through her tears, she threw a punch at the wall.

Definitely not her brightest idea.

Seeing as it had hurt her more than the wall, she began weeping more, ho9lding her hand in pain. She leaned her back against the wall and slowly slid down until her knees reached the floor.

What was wrong with her? How was she letting a guy do this to her?

_You're worthless_, Clare's inside voice said to herself. _You mean nothing to him or anybody else._

**A/N: Okay, I know it was short, and probably should have just been included in the last chapter but… I didn't think of it, then :P**

**Oh and follow me on Tumblr **

**There's a pic there of Clare's party dress from last chapter. To me she looked beautiful in the pic, so def go check it out!**

**Moxxyrain . tumblr . com**

**Reviews:')**


	16. Brother's Responsibility

A/N: Hey guys! I hope you like today's short chapter :)

WARNING: any Jake/Clare interaction in this story is STRICTLY STEP-BROTHERLY/SISTERLY. I don't ship them!...

Read:')

Clare's eyes fluttered open slowly, as she was awaken by beams of sun streaming through her window.

She took a look around her and realized she was laying face flat on the floor. Wondering how she'd gotten there, visions of her coming home last night, punching a wall and helpless laying on the floor, crying herself to sleep flooded her mind.

Clare sighed as all the emotional pain from the night before re-entered her body. She tiredly sat up, her body sore from the sleeping arrangement. She swept a hand through her hair as she bacame lost in thought about last night's events.

After a few moments of just sitting there in silence, there was a sudden knock on the door.

Clare, not budging an inch in attempt to answer the visitor, looked at the door dazed as if expecting it to magically open on its own.

Growing impatient, the person knocked once again.

Clare still didn't budge.

The door swung open, revealing her step-brother's figure.

She stared at him blankly.

"Why didn't you answer the d- Woah", he chuckled taking notice of her messy hair, smeared make-up, and the fact that she was seated on the floor. "What happened to you?"

Clare didn't answer. She just looked down at the floor she sat on.

Jake noticed the pained look on her face, and as he took a closer look, he realized the smeared makeup lay on a tear-stained face.

Jake's amused expression transitioned to a more serious one.

"Clare, you okay?", he asked slowly while making his way toward her.

She was silent.

"Clare...?"

She shook her head as she felt fresh tears start to invade her eyes.

Not that you'd care, she thought.

Jake could see that his step-sister was in pain. And he resented that. He hated that someone had hurt his sister.

His step-sister, yes. But a sister, nonetheless.

And he knew quite well that he'd treated Clare like crap at times. And he knew it was wrong, but that's just what brothers do.

Jake took a spot next to her on the floor. Not knowing exactly how to comfort her without causing an awkward atmosphere, he hesitantly put a caring hand on her shoulder.

"Clare, what's wrong?"

She lowered her head, holding it in her hands as she broke into hysterics. She no longer cared that Jake was there and would make fun of her weakness. She just couldn't take the heartbreak.

As Clare held her head in her hands, Jake noticed a few cuts and some major bruising on her left hand.

What was going on with her?

Jake began rubbing her back comfortingly.

Her sobs eventually grew heavier and were pain-stricken. Jake's heart went out to her and decided it would be okay for him to comfort his sister completely.

He wrapped his arms around her small body and she accepted the embrace, burying her head in his shoulder as she cried.

Clare's tears slowed as she took in the moment, realizing Jake was actually being nice to her. She had expected him to come in, see her looking a mess, laugh and mock her, then leave; end of story.

But here he was sitting on the floor next her, holding her in his arms as she wept.

_Did mom put something in his food?_, She wondered.

Though this was strange behavior for him, she didn't care. She just needed someone to hold onto. And Jake was that someone at the moment.

As his sister wept in his arms, Jake realized even more and more as seconds passed by, just how much pain she was in. He wanted to know what was causing her so much hurt.

He decided she had cried enough. He needed to know what was going on.

Was she in danger? Had someone threatened her?

He looked at her hand again. Had she gotten into a fight?

He loosened their grip on each other so that he was able to look at her.

"Clare what's wrong?", he asked.

As she was about to tell him, she suddenly felt ashamed of how upset she was over a guy. He would definitely look down on her for that...

Not wanting to answer him now, she asked, "Why do you even care, anyways?"

Jake sighed. "Look. I know I put you through a lot of crap every day... But your still my sister"

Clare smiled slightly, nodding her head. She took a deep, shaky breath through her tears before answering his prior question.

"Drew...he um... He still has feelings for Bianca"

Jake frowned. "How'd you find that out? He told you?"

"No...his brother, Adam, and her were getting kind of friendly at the party last night and Drew didn't like that too much"

Jake didn't know how to reply to that so he just frowned looking sorry for her.

Clare continued, "I just feel as if he was lying to me this whole time..."

"Maybe it's not what you think, Clare. I mean did he actually straight up admit he still liked her?"

Clare thought about this for a minute. "No... He just said he didn't like the idea of Bianca and his brother together and..."

Clare's face fell, realizing her mistake of the previous night.  
>"I just kind of blew up at him and accused him of it"<p>

Jake looked disappointingly at his sister. "Clare..."

"I know", she said in a pained voice. She felt new tears stinging her eyes. "I ruined it, didn't I...?"

She covered her face with her hands as more tears began streaming down.

It pained Jake to see his sister hurting like this. He wrapped his arms around her once again.

He had to fix this.

A/N: Hey guys! Tell me whatcha thought!

Oh, and check out my tumblr :)

moxxyrain . tumblr . com

And Twitter: Moxxyrain

And let me know what you think of Jake's part in this story(if you want him in it very much or not). I promise he won't ever be an interference in Clare and Drew's relationship :)

Reviews:') 


	17. Melting Ice Cream

A/N: Heyyy guys ;D  
>Okay, so extra-long juicy chapter for you todayy !<p>

And again, all Jake/Clare interaction = STRICTLY BROTHERLY/SISTERLY!

This story is completely Drew/Clare all the way! And you'll definitely see that in this chapter ;D

Read:')

After a short time of Clare expressing her emotions through tears, Jake suggested a trip to the Dot for some ice cream. He felt bad interrupting her emotional breakdown, but he honestly just didn't know how to handle tears. Sure, he had a heart of his own with real emotions. But he just didn't know how exactly to provide comfort to someone so upset.

He felt even worse about this, considering this was his sister crying into his shoulder; his sister that he'd treated like crap for so long.

But that was going to change. He would start treating her with the same respect she gave him when he wasn't being a jerk.

Clare nodded her head sadly with a bittersweet smile in response to his offer of ice cream at the Dot.

She asked that he'd give her a few minutes to calm herself down and change.

Jake left her room, giving her privacy and went downstairs to warm up his truck.

Clare sighed deeply as he shut the door, leaving her alone once again. She shook her head in an attempt to clear her mind and to stop the tears completely.

She quickly found a pair of dark jeans and a tee-shirt along with a wool sweater to shield her from the bitter February cold.

She got dressed, deciding against fixing her hair. She honestly just couldn't be bothered with her appearance at the moment.

Clare made her way down stairs to the red truck to find her step-brother already seated behind the wheel.  
>She noticed he was talking on the phone so she slipped into the passenger's seat quietly and put on her seat belt.<p>

He hurriedly hung up the phone with a "See ya' later, man"

She stayed silent, looking straight ahead, trying to concentrate on something- anything - to keep her mind off Drew. She needed to stay calm or else she knew she'd just break down again. It amazed her how much of an impact this whole thing was having on her.

"You okay?", Jake questioned, noticing Clare's silence.

She nodded her head in vain.  
>"Let's just go..."<p>

He nodded his head in understanding and began pulling out of the driveway.

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Clare sat across from Jake in a booth at the Dot. They each had scoops of ice cream sitting on the table before them. Jake practically devoured his, while his sister just watched hers melting slowly.

"You know, by the time you decide to eat that it'll just be cold vanilla soup", he said with a smirk.

She smiled weakly at his attempt at humoring her. She pushed the bowl of ice cream toward him. "Here you can have it"

Just as he was about to dig into the offered snack, he stopped himself.

"I wasn't asking you for it, I just want you to eat it", he said pushing it back toward her.

She shook her head sadly.

Jake frowned. None of his attempts at making her feel better seemed to work.

He looked down at his watch for the millionth time in the past half hour.

He should be here any minute, he thought.

"Why do you keep looking at your watch?", Clare inquired. "Am I holding you up? Did you have plans or something?..."

"No", he said hurriedly. "I just-"

The ringing of the bells on the front door triggered Jake to look toward the entrance. Clare followed his eyes to see Drew walking into the Dot.

Her heartbeat suddenly sped up at the sight of him and she looked back to Jake with wide eyes.

But he didn't seem very surprised with Drew's arrival. In fact, Jake seemed almost to have been _expecting _him.

Drew's eyes wandered all about the restaurant as if to be looking for someone. Then he spotted Jake and Clare and began making his way over to them.

"Hey, man", Jake greeted him.

Jake rose from the table automatically, gesturing for Drew to take his seat.

"I think you guys have a lot of talking to do", he said mainly to Clare, who was staring at him with wide eyes. "I'll see 'ya later sis"

After patting Clare on the shoulder, he made his way toward the exit.

Drew awkwardly seated himself in the booth, across from Clare in Jake's absence.

The two looked at each other for a moment before Clare looked back down to her lap.

"Drew-""Clare-", they both began at the same time.

"No, let me go first", Clare pleaded.

Drew noticed the pain in her eyes at the moment and nodded his head in agreement.

"Drew, whether what I accused you of is true or not... I'm so sorry. I blew up at you and I didn't even let you speak. I just accused you and left and I am just so very, unbelievably...sorry", she finished with letting out a deep breath.

"It's okay, Clare. I understand", Drew said calmly, taking in how upset she was. He just wanted to take her in his arms and never let go. But he wasn't sure if it was appropriate to do that yet, being that they hadn't been over the Adam/Bianca situation yet.

Clare continued, "I just... I don't want to lose you"  
>She looked down ashamedly as tears began streaming down her face.<p>

As soon as Drew saw the tears, he couldn't help but rise from his seat and relocate to her side of the table.

He sat next to her and took her hand in his. "Clare you'll never lose me. I'm not going anywhere, okay? If anything, you'll be the one running and I'll be chasing you", he finished with a smile.

At these words, Clare couldn't help but wrap her arms around him tightly.

She knew they had not yet gone over the Adam/Bianca situation yet. For all she knew, he could still be in love with her best friend. But she didn't care. Clare had been crying over him nonstop since the night before. She just needed him.

Drew firmly wrapped his arms around the girl in response to her actions. It felt so good to hold her in his arms. After last night, he was positive they'd never share a moment like this again.

As Clare's mind met with reality once again, she loosened her grip on Drew. Drew noticed this and realized it was time for an important talk. He let go of her, taking her left hand in his. As he did so, about to start explaining the events of last night, he saw her face cringe in pain.

"Oh, I'm sorry", he apologized, assuming he had gripped her hand too tightly. He looked down at her hand and saw it was bruised immensely, with cuts trailing down her fingers.

He looked up at her worriedly.  
>"What happened?"<p>

She realized he had noticed her damaged hand.

"Nothing", she said quickly hiding her hand in her sleeve.

"Clare... Wait did you fight Bianca or something?" his eyes widened.

"No, no I didn't. I just...", Clare began hesitantly, "When I got home last night, I was upset and did something stupid"

"And that is...?"

"I punched a wall..."

Drew's eyes widened in shock. Had he really caused her to get that upset?

He looked down at her hand and gently caressed the bruises that he assumed must have been causing her horrible pain.

He looked compassionately into her eyes, realizing how hurt she was, thinking that he had feelings for another girl. She really must have loved him.

At this realization, all anger and hurt from her lashing out at him the night before had disappeared.

His heart ached at the fact that she had hurt herself this way because of him. But it wasn't his fault. She refused to hear him out. But he guessed now was his chance.

"Clare, I don't have feelings for Bianca", he said.

Clare's heart dropped.

She wanted to believe him. She really did.

But she needed more explanation first.

"Okay... But... Then, why were you looking at her and Adam together the way you did? Why aren't you happy with them being together?"

"Because, Clare... Adam's my brother. I don't want him Involved with a girl like her."

Clare wore a confused expression. "What do you mean by 'a girl like her'?", she asked defensively. Was he calling Bianca vulgar or mean?.. She's changed. How could he not see that?

"I mean... A girl with a history involving gang members"

"Oh... But, Drew, we're friends with her. So wouldn't we(italics) be in danger of that stuff too?"

Clare was having trouble believing him. She hated to admit it, but it was hard for her to trust Drew, or anyone for that fact. She needed every little detail cleared, and to fall into place in order for her nerves to be calmed.

Drew grew worried at her apprehension. He knew he was telling the truth, but he was having a hard time explaining things. And he absolutely needed her to believe him.

"Yes, technically we would be... But I doubt we'd ever get caught up in that mess again like I did"

"So, why is it any different if Adam dates her?..."

Drew sighed.

"Clare, have I ever told you that after me and Bianca broke up... Something in me changed...?"

"Well...i mean that's understandable, Drew... Crap changes people"

"Yeah, but...it didn't just change(italics) me. All that gang trauma and stuff... It left me with PTSD"

"PTSD?", she questioned.

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder"

She looked at him with a mixed expression of both shock and compassion.

He continued, "It's why loud noise scare me. It's why I can't play video games with guns in them. Why I'm emotional when I never used to be... Why I'm leery of guys in baggy jeans and hoodies."

Clare's expression softened completely as she caressed his hand that was holding hers.

"I just don't want my brother to go through the same crap that I did. And I know I'm probably just being paranoid because if anything was going to happen, it would have happened to one of us already. But I just can't help but worry."

"I know... I'm so sorry, Drew. If I would have known, I would have never yelled at you and left the way I did"

"it's okay", he said smiling slightly. He was happy that she seemed to believe him now.

But his heart was still aching from the fact that she had been so hurt by the thought of him liking another girl.

"Clare..." he began while holding her injured hand in both of his. "Why would you do this to yourself? Why would you get so upset over this? I mean I know anyone would be upset, but I would have never expected _this_", he ended this statement while gesturing toward her hand.

Clare felt ashamed at her reacting so drastically to her weakness. "I honestly don't know... I just... I guess I just care about you so much. The thought of losing you just drove me crazy"

Clare felt tears filling her eyes just thinking about how much pain she'd been in.  
>"And then when Jake talked some sense into me, I couldn't stop thinking of how I drove away someone I love so much"<p>

Drew felt his heart melt into an oozing puddle. There it was again; the spell she had him under.

She had just said she_ loved_ him. Was he dreaming?

Drew stared at her lovingly as his mind subconsciously fell under rule of his thoughts.

Unsure of why he'd be staring at her, she realized what she had just said.

Did I just tell him I love him?, she thought. Oh no! What if that freaked him out?  
>Stupid!, she mentally face-palmed herself.<p>

"I mean... I know we've never said that to each other before... And you don't have to say it back if you don't want to. But I just really-"

She was cut off by him gently placing his lips over hers. He ended the kiss way too soon for her, though.

If it weren't for the fact that they were sitting in a booth at the Dot, he would have kissed her with a long, desperate kiss and never let go.

But he had to settle for a small kiss in response to her confessing her love for him.

Just as he was about to respond in words also, he realized it should be saved for a better time. Not in the middle of a restaurant where their feelings could then be expressed with cheap kisses that lasted a second.

So instead, when he ended the short kiss, he just smiled, looking at her longingly.

Clare smiled back at him but truly inside, she was dying. Did that mean he loved her too? Why didn't he say it back?

Well, she had told him he didn't have to say it back if he didn't want to so... maybe he just didn't want to.

But she could live with that. She was just glad she hadn't lost him.

Shortly after, they decided to order some food. They ate and talked and exchanged loving looks.

At around 4:00pm, Clare looked at her phone and realized the time. She told Drew that she probably should get going because she and Jake hadn't told Helen they were going out earlier. Her mom would be home soon and would wonder where she was. So, Drew offered her a ride home.

As the small green Jeep pulled up in front of the Edwards/Martin home, Drew and Clare began saying their goodbyes.

Clare sighed, hating that she'd now have to leave her boyfriend's side.

"Well, thanks for the ride", she said genuinely smiling at him.

"No problem", he replied, his heart fluttering at the sight of her smile. "I'm just glad we got all that crap sorted out"

"Same here", she agreed. "Well I should probably get inside now"

"I'll see you tomorrow, Clare", he said smiling at her.

As she opened the door to exit the car, he stopped her.

"Hey, make sure you ice your hand and ask your mom to wrap it in an ace-bandage or something"

"I will", smiled at his caring advisory.

As she began to exit the car, she was stopped once again when he said, "Clare"

"Yeah?" she inquired, turning to face him.

And that was when he leaned in and planted a sweet yet firm kiss upon her lips. As they both got caught up in the moment, Clare cupped his face with her hand while he wrapped his arms firmly around her body, pulling her closer and closer to him as possible. He made sure to eliminate all space between them as he gently caressed her lips with his own, melding their mouths together into one big explosion of love. He had transformed the kiss into the desperate, loving one he had wished for earlier.

And now, he decided, was the perfect moment.

As their lips parted, they leaned their foreheads against one another's. They breathed heavily; smiling at each other, while slill having their arms wrapped around one another. Drew still had the taste of her on his tongue. And as he looked into her absolutely breath-taking blue orbs once again, making sure what he was about to say was completely and absolutely true, he whispered:

"I love you, Clare"

A/N: See? Told ya you'd like it! :D Well, at least I hope you guys did...  
>Let me know! Por favorrrr...?<p>

Oh and check out my Tumblr :)  
>moxxyrain . tumblr . com<p>

And twitter: Moxxyrain

Reviews:')

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	18. In My Head

A/N: Hey guys! :D

Hm, I've never written in POV's before sooo I guess here's a little experiment. Tell me how I do with it ;D

Read:')

Bianca's POV

I sat there at the outdoor lunch tables with Drew, Clare, but most importantly, Adam. I had such a great time with him at the party and I think we've gotten pretty close! We're always together during school, laughing together and just talking. He'll give me the occasional 'welcome' hug when we see each other, but that's just about all the physical contact I receive from him. And I'm still glad for that, really. You know, with the whole respect thing and all. But then it makes me wonder... Is it just a respect thing or... Does he just not see me that way?

Eh, why do I even care, anyway?...

Because you like him?

Oh yeah... That.

I really gotta stop talking to myself...

I looked at Adam to the right of me who was wearing a look of disgust at Drew and Clare's continuous flirting and cutesiness. Apparently they had had some fight over the weekend but then got back together. So now, they're stronger than ever.

I think they're adorable, but Adam's reaction was just classic. I chuckled, looking at Adam and then back down at my lunch tray.

Adam's POV

I sat there with Drew, Clare, and the beautiful Bianca De Sousa. I saw her chuckle as I made mock-disgust faces at Drew and Clare's flirting. B looked at me and smiled before shyly looking back down at her lunch tray.

Bianca was just plain amazing. End of story. Sometimes I just wanted to pull her into a kiss.

Just because.

But, I obviously haven't done that. I'd give her the occasional 'friend-hug'. I'd do more if I thought it were appropriate timing. Sometimes it did feel like appropriate timing but it just never happened. We'd have these moments in our conversations where I'd just have the urge to kiss her, or hold her hand, or pull her close and never let go.

But I didn't know if I should. I mean, sure, I like her... Heck, I'm crazy about the chick!

But love- like- can be blinding. So how was I to know if she liked me back?...

I smiled back at her before she looked away.

Sigh. Why can't she be mine?

Because, you're too chicken to make a move.

Thanks.

Plus, you're talking to yourself. Why would she want a guy like you?

I don't know maybe she does...

Okay seriously, dude. Stop talkin' to yourself.

Okay.

Seriously!...

Nobody's POV

Clare giggled as she fed her boyfriend a French fry.

She was so glad that they had gotten back together yesterday. Ever since he had confessed his love for her and kissed her the way he had... They practically had to be pried apart when need be.

Now that she was completely confident in their relationship, she felt closer to him than ever.

Clare noticed Adam, in the corner of her eye, making funny faces at her and Drew's flirting. This caused Bianca to chuckle and when Adam saw this, she shyly looked away.

Clare's POV

AWWW!

Adam and Bianca are just too cute. It's so obvious that they're both crushing on one another. Anyone with eyes can see that!

But they're just both so shy around each other. It's killing me!

I felt Drew, who had his arm around me, tense up. He must have noticed the cute moment between the two.

I feel so bad that Drew is having a hard time accepting the fact that they have feelings for each other. He was just so paranoid about Bianca's gang-affiliated history. And he knew he was being paranoid or else he wouldn't still be friends with her and he would have warned me not to be, either. But, he can't help it. His PTSD has his terrifying experience engraved in his brain.

I put my hand over his, intertwining our fingers. This seemed to be a comfort to him and calmed him down. His tensity seemed to fade, immediately.

I looked up to him and softly smiled. He replied with a weak smile as if to say, 'I know I'll just have to deal with it'.

I know, sort of a filler... Sowwie!

But, I refuse to be subject to writer's block!

Love yhu all 3 :P

Btw: check out my tumblr, there's pics that go according to each chapter kinda brings the story to life, ya know?...

Reviews:')  
>(they make my day xD)<p> 


	19. There to Listen

Clare stood in her kitchen, pouring various types of crunchy, salty snacks into bowls that sat on the counter. As the bag of Doritos she was emptying into a bowl ran empty, she sighed in relief seeing as she had successfully filled three large bowls with millions of calories.

Clare and Bianca were having a movie night/sleepover. The two would watch movies, consume as much sugar as possible, and then have continuous girl talk until they fell asleep in Clare's room.

And now that Clare had the snacks prepared, all that was left to do was wait for Bianca to arrive.

Clare retrieved two of the large snack bowls from the counter and proceeded to carry them into the living room where she found a relaxed-looking Jake. He sat lazily on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table.

Clare rolled her eyes at the sight as she set the snack bowls down.

"Jake, Bianca's coming over", she told him.

"And...?", he inquired.

"And, I'd appreciate it if you removed yourself from this room" she wore a sarcastic smile.

"Ouch, Clare. If you don't want me around just say so"

"I just did", she stated plainly.

"Well, then say so _nicely_"

She sighed, frustrated. "Jake, will you please leave? I need this room for when Bianca comes over"

"Nah", he smirked smugly.

She put her hand on her hip, looking at him authoritively.

Jake laughed, her pointed look having no effect on him.

"What do you need this room for, anyway? Because you know, just because its called(italics) the "living room", you won't stop breathing if you go in the kitchen or your bedroom"

"Ha Ha, very funny. We're having a movie night, FYI. And I don't have a DVD player in my room"

"Ah, so I see. What are you guys planning on watching?"

Tired of arguing with him, Clare sighed and took a seat on the couch next to her step-brother.

"We're watching the Matrix trilogy", she informed him.

"And may I sit in on this movie night?", he asked of her.

Clare, not wanting to be so cruel to her brother who had helped her and Drew make amends, sighed at her decision of what she knew was the right thing to do.

"Fine", she gave in.

Jake smiled in victory.

"As long as you promise to keep quiet! If I even hear a peep out of you, you'll be banned from our movie night"

Jake slid his fingers across his lips as if to zip his mouth closed and 'throw away the key'.

Clare chuckled. "I meant during the movie, you bozo"

Jake shrugged his shoulders in an "Oh well" kind of way.

She shook her head in amusement. "I'm gonna go get the rest of the snacks"

And with that, she rose from the couch and made her way to the kitchen.

Suddenly, the doorbell rung. Jake rose from the couch and made his way to the door. He opened it to see a shivering Bianca.

When he didn't say anything like, "Come in", Bianca pushed past him and entered the house.

She sighed in relief as the warmth of the home entered her body.

"Weren't you going to let me in?", she questioned Jake.

He didn't answer.

She wore a confused expression.

"What's wrong with him?", Bianca questioned Clare as she re-entered the living room, holding a bowl of pretzels.

"Oh, he's just being dumb. I told him he could join in on our movie night if he doesn't talk. I meant that he just couldn't talk during the movie but he just _had_ to take it to a whole 'nother level, Clare clarified while placing the rest of the snacks on the coffee table.

Bianca chuckled, shaking her head.

"Oh, I hope you don't mind me letting him join us", Clare said, hoping her irrational decision had not gone against her guest's wishes.

"No, it's fine. I mean he's already committed to not talking so it'll be as if he's not even here"

Jake, who was once again seated lazily on the couch, gave them a "Hey, I heard that!", kind of look.

"Yep", Clare agreed. "It's like he's not even here"

Jake rolled his eyes as both girls laughed.

B+C+J B+C+J B+C+J B+C+J B+C+J

The Friday night carried on as planned. They all watched the Matrix trilogy together while consuming immense amounts of sugar. By 12AM they were finished with the third movie, and the girls were just about ready for bed.

Clare and Bianca said goodnight to Jake as he shot them both a sly smile, still refusing to speak.

"Jake, the movie's over. You can talk now!", Clare exclaimed.

He nodded his head, still not saying a word.

Clare sighed and ruffled up his hair as she arose from the couch.

"C'mon, B. Let's go to bed"

Bianca arose from the couch, following Clare upstairs.

The girls got changed into their PJ's. Clare wore a blue tank top and pajama pants with a yellow sweater while Bianca wore a pair of grey sweats and a purple tee-shirt.

They both lay side by side in Clare's large bed. They took part in some girl talk before deciding on sleep.

"So... How are things with you and Adam?", Clare asked.

Bianca lay silently next to her. Clare looked to her right to see her best friend smiling, looking up at the ceiling.

"C'mon, tell me!", Clare said playfully bumping her arm.  
>"Is there something going on with you guys?"<p>

"No...", Bianca replied, hesitantly. "I mean... We've gotten close and everything. But, I'm just not so sure if he sees me that way"

Clare saw that her friend's smile had been replaced with a heartbreaking, unsure look.

Clare frowned. "Why not, B?"

"I don't know... It's just- Sometimes It feels like there's something between us.. We'll have these _moments_... But then he'll just blow them off like it's nothing"

Bianca looked to Clare in hope of guidance.

Clare tried to think of reasons Adam would do this. She figured he was just being his same old awkward self. He hadn't had much experience with girls due to his shyness. But Clare could see that Adam was really fond of Bianca. He freaking adored the girl! But, obviously Bianca didn't see that.

As Bianca and Clare got caught up in their thoughts, tiredness overcame them both. But Bianca refused to allow herself to drift into sleep. Adam was taking over her mind.

She looked to her left about to confide more in her best friend, only to see Clare had fallen asleep beside her.

Bianca sighed. Now she was up by herself, her thoughts of Adam taunting her continuously.

Why had she fallen for such a special guy?

After a few minutes of restless tossing and turning, Bianca decided she needed some water to refresh her thoughts.

She quietly got out of the bed, being sure not to wake up her sleeping friend.

Bianca quietly tiptoed down the stairs and stepped into the kitchen. Unable to find her way to the refrigerator in the darkness of the night, she turned on a dim light only to be startled by a tall, slender figure in the midst of the kitchen. Bianca caught her breath once she realized the figure was none other but Clare's blonde step-brother.

"Jake, you scared me half to death!", she yell-whispered.

He put on a smug smirk. "Oh, so it worked then"

"Ugh", Bianca grunted, making her way over to the refrigerator. "What are you doing up anyway"

"Um, I got hungry", he said, shoving some popcorn in his mouth. "But, I think the real question is what are _you_ doing up?..."

Bianca sighed, grabbing a water bottle and shutting the fridge door.

"I'm just thirsty", she assured.

"Then what's with your face?"

Bianca gave him a pointed look. "What are you saying?", she asked defensively.

"I mean you look like you're lying. Like you got out of bed when you couldn't fall asleep because you can't get something off of your mind"

Bianca froze. "How did you-?"

"Clare comes down here a lot for the same reason all the time. You wouldn't believe how dramatic she can be. I never got how girls can let something bother them that much"

Bianca frowned. "Yeah. I guess us girls just don't have the ability to will our thoughts away at any time..."

"So what's on your mind?"

She looked down to her feet after taking a sip of water. "It's nothing"

Jake stayed quiet as he downed a whole 'nother handful of popcorn. He'd learned that if you don't actually try to get a girl to tell you something, they'll do it on their own and never shut up about whatever it is.

The tactic worked on Bianca just as it did on Clare.

"It's just... There's this guy-"

"Adam?", he assumed.

"Yeah...", she said kind of embarrassed. "Well, as ut seems everyone already knows this... I like him. A lot..."

She continued, "And sometimes it seems like he likes me too. But at other times... It's like he could care less"

"I see"

"And I really like him a lot. Lime I don't think i've ever liked someone this much... He's juat so different from every other guy"

"Hm...", he murmured understandingly.

"Yeah... So, what should I do?", Bianca asked pleadingly.

His responce was a simple shrug of his shoulders.

"Um okay..." She began to walk away, but then turned around.

"Wait, so I just basically poured my heart out to you for absolutely no reason at all...?"

"Yep"

She laughed sarcastically, "Nice"

He chuckeld. "Look, I don't know what you should do. I'm not very good at giving advice and crap. But... You have to admit you feel at least a little better now that you got it off your chest, huh?"

Bianca smirked at the realization. "You know... You're actually right. I do feel a lot better now"

Jake smirked. "Well hey, I'm always here to listen. Not so much to talk, but ya know..."

"I know", she smiled. "Thank you"

"No problemo"


	20. You're Haunting, You're Taunting

**A/N: I am personally really proud of this chapter. I hope you guys like it too !**

**(I feel as if I'm going kind of off track with the storyline surrounding Alli's suicide. Sooo here ya go ;) )  
><strong>  
>Read:')<p>

Clare lay in her bed one Saturday afternoon. Her curtains were closed, shielding any light from coming in. Her door was locked and she lay silently in the protection of her wool blankets; music blasting from her stereo, blocking out all disturbances of the world.

It was just one of those days. Clare's depression had not been an issue in the past couple of months due to the happiness Drew had brought her. But after the horrifying dream she had been granted with the night before, she'd come to the conclusion that she'd never be able to fully escape the misery Alli's suicide had brought her.

The dream kept replaying itself in her head over and over.

_Alli sat on the floor in a corner of her own room, while Clare stood hovering over her, yelling angrily._

_"How could you do this to me?"_

_Alli crouched back futher and further into the corner as possible. She wept while helplessly whimpering "I'm sorry"'s, begging for Clare's forgiveness. But this weakness just made Clare even more merciless and raise her voice even louder._

_"I HATE YOU, ALLI! DO YOU HEAR ME? I HATE YOU!"_

_Thick tears were streaming down Alli's face,uncontrollably as she continued attempting to crouch as far as possible into the corner._

_Clare continued yelling and yelling, denouncing her as her best friend._

_Alli buried her head in her hands, weeping. She suddenly began raise her head slowly with an eerie look in her eye. She slowly rose to her feet, meeting eye-level with Clare. Clare confusedly stopped yelling, anticipating Alli's next action._

_Alli reached her hand toward her back pocket, never breaking her gaze with Clare's. Alli's hand rose from her jeans pocket to her head. Clare's eyes widened at the sight of the small handgun Alli had pressed against her temple._

_Alli stared into Clare's eyes, repeatedly murmuring something uncomprehendable. Her tone grew louder and louder with each murmur until Clare could finally understand her words: "I'm Sorry"_

_"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."_

_Alli repeated over and over, still holding the gun to her head; he finger dangerously tapping the trigger._

_Clare attempted to snatch the gun away from her, but she couldn't move. She was no longer in control of her body. Her hands and feet refused to move; It was too late. She could not stop Alli from her next action. All she could do was stand there and watch in complete shock._

_Alli continued. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"_

_Her chanting grew louder and angrier each time, until she reached the point of screaming._

_"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!, I'M SORRY! How many freaking times do I have to say IM SORRY?"_

_Alli's voice boomed through Clare's ears, followed by a gunshot._

_Alli's body fell to the ground._

_Clare regained control of her body and was now able to approach Alli._

_But it was obviously too late.  
>She fell to her knees, staring down at the still body.<em>

_"NO!", she cried desperately._

_This couldn't be happening._

_"No!", she cried again_, only to find herself awake in her bed.

It had all been a dream. A completely horrifying dream.

It was now around 2 in the afternoon and she still lay in the same position as when she had awoken.

She did not plan on getting out of bed for the rest of the day. She'd stay there in the same position for the rest of her life if she could.

Because once she got out of bed and lived her everyday life... She'd just be living a lie.

Nothing was ever going to be okay. And when Drew made her feel happy... It was a lie.  
>It wasn't real. Because how could anyone be truly happy after <em>killing<em> their best friend?

And even if this happiness was real...

She didn't deserve it.

She hated herself. She hated herself even more and more every time she was reminded of Alli's death.

Clare hated herself. And it seemed as if nothing would ever change that.

**A/N: Tell me what you thought, please! :)**

**There are pictures corresponding with each chapter on my Tumblr :) even if you dont have an account there, just check out the page. I think it'll bring the story more to life if ya check it out ! :**

**moxxyrain . tumblr . com**

**Reviews:')  
>(Please tell me whatcha thought... Starting to feel as if no one's reading this anymore :**


	21. Whatever It Takes

Drew and Adam sat at an outdoor lunch table that Monday afternoon. The two had barely said a word to each other since they'd sat down. Adam was being his normally quiet self, whereas Drew was being unusually quiet. He was usually the one to break the silence. He was the conversation starter who got Adam to speak up.

But Drew just looked down at his tray of untouched food. He seemed almost lost and quite distraught.

"Dude, what's up with you", Adam asked, concerned.

Drew looked up, breaking away from his thoughts. "Huh? Oh, nothing..."

Adam raised his eyebrows at him, not very convinced.

Drew noticed this. Looking for the words to say, he finally blurted out a desperate question.

"Have you heard from Clare lately?"

"No", Adam replied confused. "Haven't you?"

Drew looked back down at his plate, disappointed. "No... I tried calling her all day yesterday, but she never answered her phone..."

Adam frowned, empathizing with his brother. "No worries, dude. She probably misplaced her phone. Or maybe she's just been super busy"

Drew nodded his head, wanting to believe one of those possible reasons. However, he couldn't help but think the worst.

What if she was upset with him about something?

Or, what if she was sick or hurt?

Just then, Bianca and Jake approached the table, lunch trays in hand. When it looked as if Jake had something to ask, Bianca beat him to it.

"Have you guys heard from Clare?", she asked frantically.

"No", Drew and Adam replied in unison.

Jake and Bianca sighed as they both plopped their lunch trays on the table and sat across from Drew and Adam.

"Wait, dude. Wouldn't _you_ know where she is?", Adam questioned Jake. "You live with her"

"I know _where_ she is. I just don't know what's up with the chick" Jake explained.

"Well _where_ is she?", Drew asked anxiously.

"In her room"

Both Drew and Adam wore confused expressions while Bianca, who Jake had already told on the lunch line, frowned sadly.

"In her room?", Drew inquired.

Jake sighed. "She's locked herself in her room since Saturday and refuses to come out. Even today, for school. She just stays in there with her music blasted all day"

"Dude, what if what if she's not even in there and the music's just a cover?", Drew asked frantically. "Or what of she's hurt, or _something_?"

"No, she's fine. I've heard her turn the music off once in a while. Or change the radio station and stuff. And there's stuff moved around in the bathroom, food missing from the fridge. So I know she must go down there at night, or when no one else is home"

"But why?", Adam asked. This just wasn't making any sense to him at all.

"Because she obviously just doesn't want to face people...Why? I have no idea."

There was silence in the group as they each contemplated what could possibly be going on with their dear blue-eyed friend.

"She actually used to do this all the time..."

That had grasped all of their attention.

Jake continued, "When Alli died. She'd lock herself in her room... But she never actually went days without facing anyone or contacting someone, _somehow_"

Drew's eyes widened when Jake mentioned Alli's death causing Clare to act this way previously. Realization dawned on him that it quite easily may be causing her actions this time, also. And he was determined to help Clare out of this pit. No matter what, he was getting into that room somehow. If he had to break down the door, he would.

"She must really be upset", Bianca said worriedly about her best friend.

Why hadn't Clare called her? They told each other everything and she knew Clare trusted her with a bunch of personal stuff. So why was whatever was going on now such a big secret?

She seriously must be hurting over _something_, she thought. But, what...?

"After school...", Drew began. "Let's go to your house and try to get her to come out of her room"

"Sure", Jake agreed. "But it won't be easy"

"I'm coming too", Bianca announced.

"Same here", Adam piped in.  
><strong><br>A/N: Hope ya enjoyed! :)**

**Tumblr: moxxyrain . tumblr . com**

**Twitter: MoxxyRain**

**Reviews:')**


	22. Yellow

**A/N: Hey guys!**

**Okay so, just so you don't get confused:**

******This chapter takes place Monday (the same day as last chapter, only shows what Clare was up to that morning also).******

Clare lay in her bed, wrapped in a bundle of blankets as she stared at the ceiling. She'd lowered the heat in her room the past couple of nights purposely so that she'd be able to feel the comfort of her blankets.

Though she knew she could most likely get the same comfort from being in Drew's arms..., she just couldn't face anyone. Not right now.

Not like this.

No one would understand how she was feeling.

Clare uncovered her face from the blanket and looked at the clock on her bedside table. It read 7:55.

She knew her brother and parents would all be leaving the house at around 8:00AM. Then, she'd finally be able to leave her room to go use the bathroom and possibly eat. Because eating wasn't exactly on her priority list at the moment.

Clare thought about how she was before she met Drew. She'd stay in her room every moment she wasn't in school and listen to music. She didn't eat much. She didn't fix up her hair or wear make-up. She kept her distance from people and barely said a word to anyone.

She'd just lay there on her bed like she was now; thinking about Alli and pining over her guilt. Thinking about how she deserved death more than the thousands of innocent people who die each day of hunger and genocide.

And how she deserved an even more terrible death than either of the two. She deserved to be shot over and over and die very slowly.

When had her thoughts become so dark?...

Then she thought of life after Drew. Clare started talking.

She had opened up to Drew in their very first conversation. He was the only one she talked to for a while, though. He was special.

And then Bianca came around. Her and B were fast friends, but it took a while to truly open up to her about a lot of things.

Life after Drew permitted her to smile more. Life after Drew prompted her to care about her appearance just a little. Life after Drew helped her forget, just for a moment, about Alli. About the guilt. About everything. She allowed herself to be happy for just a minute.

But that minute is up. She wouldn't allow herself happiness any longer. She had let her guard down and she needed to build it back up.

But she knew she wouldn't be able to accomplish that once she saw the faces of her ones she loved; Dear Drew, Bianca and Adam.

So she'd just hide out here in her room for as long as she could.

Suddenly, Clare heard a loud thud/banging noise. She looked at the clock.

8:01

They all must have just left. She tiredly arose fro, her bed and made her way to her door after turning off her music. She quietly made her way down the stairs, making sure she was surely alone.

When she realized she was, she decided to take a quick shower. Even she was getting tired of her own BO...

Once she escaped the shower she tied her wet hair up into a bun and changed into a clean pair of sweatpants and her favorite Paramore tee.

As she went back downstairs to watch some TV, she noticed a piece of chocolate cake sitting out that was calling her name.

Glen was allergic to chocolate and her mom didn't eat sweets much. So she figured it was probably Jake's.

Hmmm... I'm sure he wouldn't mind sharing, right?, Clare thought slyly.

Nah, actually he definitely would... Oh, well!

She grabbed the slice of cake and took a huge bite. She sighed with satisfaction at the amazing-tasting chocolate. Suddenly, she noticed a napkin on the pate underneath the cake. There was writing on it! A note, specifically...

Why would there be a note on this napkin...?, she thought.

It read:

_Clare,  
>I know chocolate's your fav. Enjoy!<br>-Jake_

_PS: hope you feel better sis..._

Clare half-smiled at this. She was grateful for people who cared about her. But they just didn't understand that she wasn't deserving of their love...

She took the cake then sat on the couch where she'd watch tv for a few hours.

CE...CE...CE...CE...CE...CE...CE...CE...CE...CE...CE...CE...CE...CE...CE...

Clare sat in her living room watching SpongeBob; the jokes that used to make her laugh no longer having any affect on her.

She looked at the clock that now read 3:00.

School had just let out at Degrassi and Jake would be home soon being that he had no afterschool activities to attend to.

Clare sighed. She picked up the remote and turned off the tv. She rose to her feet and made her way back upstairs to her room.

After turning on her music, she got back in bed, once again wrapping herself in her covers.

How long would she have to do this until she could be strong enough to face the world without letting people in?...

Clare rested n her bed as she closed her eyes, hoping to close her eyes and just forget it all for a few hours.

As Clare drifted into sleep, she did not hear the sound of her friends entering the house on the first floor.

~ D ~ A ~ B ~ J ~

Drew, Adam, Bianca and Jake all entered Jake and Clare's home that afternoon.

"Okay. Now what's the plan, guys?", Bianca inquired.

She received blank stares from all three boys.

"You mean to tell me that none of you have thought about how we're going to get Clare out of her room?", she asked sounding annoyed.

They all shrugged.

Bianca sighed while gripping her nose with her thumb and index finger.

"Well have you thought of anything?", Drew asked her.

"Knocking on her door until she lets us in...?", she suggested guiltily, wishing she had thought of a better idea.

"Good luck with that", Jake spoke up. "You'll be lucky if she even hears us knocking, let alone opening the door"

Bianca sighed realizing what he meant. Clare had her stereo blasted so loud that Bianca could hear every word of the song currently playing.

"Well I'm gonna try, anyway", Drew announced.

"Bro, there's no way-", Adam started. But Drew didn't pay him any mind.

He was determined to get Clare out of that room and back to her normal self.

Drew made his way up the stairs to her room. He banged as loud as he could on the door. He continued banging and banging for about ten minutes, occasionally calling out her name. But, as they all had expected there was no answer.

Little did they know, on the other side of that door was a sleeping Clare. Drew wasn't being ignored. Clare just did not hear him.

Drew looked down at his now reddened knuckles. He grunted in pain.

He sighed and made his way back downstairs where they all sat listening to him calling out for Clare and receiving no answer; thinking of ways to get her out.

"What are we gonna do, guys?", Drew questioned woefully.

"We could body-slam ourself into the door to break it down like you see in the movies", Bianca said jokingly.

Adam chuckled, "Yeah or just take it off the hinges".

"Man, that's genius", Jake said.

Adam laughed until he saw the serious expression on Jake's face. "Wait... Dude, you're serious?"

"Yeah- well, no... We can't do that, exactly. But we _can_ detach the doorknob!", Jake clarified.

"Do you know how?", Bianca asked anxiously.

"Of course. Are you forgetting my dad's a carpenter?", Jake chuckled.

"Yay!", Bianca squealed as she threw her arms around Jake gratefully. This earned them a confused yet displeased look from Adam.

Drew noticed this and was also just anxious to get the door open ASAP. "Alright guys! C'mon, let's do this"

Jake smiled as Bianca released him. "'Kay, I'll go get my tool box"

Jake ran upstairs with Drew following close behind him, anxious to get the door open so he could see Clare's beautiful face.

"Good luck, you guys!", Bianca called out to them.

She then plopped down on the couch next to a slightly agitated Adam.

He tried to hide any sign of him being annoyed. He didn't want Bianca to know of his jealousy of Jake. What if all this time he was just imagining things and Bianca never actually had a thing for Adam. It's not like he's ever asked her out or anything. So technically, Bianca was fair game if Jake wanted her. But that didn't rid of Adam's jealousy.

Bianca sighed, breaking Adam's attention away from his thoughts. "I really hope they can remove the lock"

"Me too" he admitted.

She smiled at him. "So how are things with you?"

"Hmm what kind of things?", he returned her smile.

"I dunno. Just things. School, things at home,...girls?"

Adam felt his heart stop for a split second. "Umm, school's good. Home's fine. Girls are... A little shady"

"Hmm, shady how?", she asked sounding interested.

"Shady as in...Hard to read"

"Ohhh... Who's the girl?", she asked slyly.

He was silent for a moment. "So, how are things with _you_?", he asked, ignoring her question.

She scoffed and then giggled. "Oh, fine. Be like that, Torres. I'm not gonna forget about your secret crush, whoever she may be"

Adam laughed. "Don't worry, I'll probably tell you who she is...someday. But really, how are things with you?"

"Things are...okay. School is school. Home is eh. Boys are..."

She looked at him before continuing. "Boys are really really good"

He smiled a small smile, meanwhile he was dying inside. Was she talking about Jake?

"So who's the lucky dude?", he inquired curiously.

She looked down at her lap to hide her blushing. "You'll find out someday I guess... Just not now"

He nodded his head acceptingly. "Okay"

They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, listening to the sound of tools clanging together from Jake trying to remove the doorknob from Clare's door along with the music being emitted from Clare's stereo.

"So Jake... He's a pretty good guy, huh?"

Did I just say that?, Adam thought.

"Yeah", Bianca replied almost immediately. "He's awesome! He's a really great guy"

Adam's heart dropped. Damn it, he thought.

D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C

Meanwhile, Jake and Drew were outside Clare's door upstairs. Jake kneeled before the door, unscrewing some pieces from the doorknob with his screwdriver. Drew stood pacing back and forth. He was starting to get worried. What if something was seriously wrong?

What if they got the door open and she wasn't even in there?

Jake noticed Drew's anxiousness and frankly the pacing back and forth was beginning to irritate him. "Dude, don't give yourself a panic attack. You'll get to see Clare soon enough"

Drew sighed as he stopped pacing. "I'm sorry it's just...- Dude, what if she's not even in there? What if something serious happened and we're too ignorant to realize?"

Jake exhaled heavily as he continued fidgeting with the tools and parts of the doorknob. "Man, she's in there. I left her some chocolate cake with a note this morning and it's gone"

"So what does that prove?", Drew asked.

"Um, that there's little shoe-maker elves in our house, of course", Jake replied sarcastically.

Drew rolled his eyes.

Suddenly a loud clanging noise came from the doorknob piece Jake was fighting with to release from its latch on the door.

They both grew wide eyed realizing the knob was now fully detached from the door.

Jake rose to his feet holding the knob. "You do know you're putting this back on later, right?"

Drew sighed in relief as he walked toward the door. "Sure whatever, man"

"Hey, Jake?", Drew called after him.

"Yeah?", he replied about to make his way downstairs.

"Thanks for this", Drew bade.

"No prob"

Drew took a deep breath bracing himself before pushing the door to Clare's room open.

He stepped in her room to see a body laying under the covers of the bed. He quietly walked over to her stereo, lowering the music. He took notice that one of her favorite songs were playing.

_Look at the stars  
>Look how they shine for you<br>And all the things you do..._

Yellow by Coldplay was, in her opinion, "Amazing!".

He made his way over to the bed and smiled when he saw his girlfriend wrapped up comfortably in a wool blanket. A few rays of sun came through the blinds, shining in her light brown curls. The rise and fall of her chest calmed his nerves knowing she was safe and sound.

He couldn't help but notice the look on her face. She looked...broken.

Maybe he was just seeing things. She _was_ sleeping, after all. But she was Clare. She had a peaceful aura about her all the time.

He had almost never seen such brokenness in her. The last time he'd seen that in her was when he first met her in the football field that day.

She'd cried for hours, screaming at the skies asking why, oh why had her best friend been subject to death.

He sat there just admiring her beauty for a few moments.

The music continued softly playing from her stereo

_Your skin  
>Oh yeah, your skin and bones<br>Turn into something beautiful_

He placed his hand on her arm caressing it comfortingly.

He then gripped her shoulder gently shaking her awake.

"Clare", he cooed softly.  
>"Clare, wake up..."<p>

He saw her eyes begin to flutter open.

She moaned not wanting to be woken up. But then she opened her eyes fully, and they widened recognizing his face.

"Drew?", she asked confused.  
>She propped herself up with her hands. "What are you doing here?..."<p>

This was the first interaction she'd had with another person in two days.

"Hun, I'm here to check up on you. You haven't contacted anyone in days. We're all worried about you"

"We?"

"Me, Adam, Bianca and Jake", he clarified. "They're all downstairs, actually"

She sighed heavily. How the hell was she supposed to distance herself from people and guard her heart when they would never just leave her alone?

Clare looked at her door. "How'd you get in here?"

"Jake detached the lock from your door"

Her eyes widened.

"Don't worry, I'll reattach it for you later"

She shook her head. "Didn't it ever cross your minds that I just might want to be alone for a while...?"

"Oh... Well yeah. But... I don't know I was just worried about you"

"Well don't be. I'm a big girl, Drew. Just because I don't show my face for a while, doesn't mean anything's wrong..."

"Um..." He begged to differ.  
>"Are you sure about that?"<p>

"Yes"

"Well I'm not... Clare, what's wrong?"

Crap. He knew her way too well.

Clare sighed and shook her head. What was she supposed to say? She felt dumb for using the old 'My best friend is dead, that's what's wrong!' excuse so often.

Her thoughts swirrled her mind, clouding her brain from clear thinking and her mouth from straight talking. Her eyes filled with tears from all this complication and confusion.

"I just... I don't deserve to be happy, Drew! I don't even deserve to be alive!"

"What? Clare, where is this coming from?"

"It's coming from me! Every time I'm happy, I feel guilty! That's why you should all just leave me alone. I don't deserve you guys. I don't deserve you guys to love me. I don't deserve _you_, Drew..."

"Clare, _I_ don't deserve _you_. I was a dumb player of a jock. I cheated on Alli! I went through girls like water. I'm pretty sure no one on this earth is innocent enough to even deserve the air we breathe. But we do. That's just how it is, Clare"

"But that's not the same. You don't understand, Drew. I _killed_ someone. I killed my best friend!"

"No you didn't! Clare, you made a mistake, and I understand the guilt of it all. But you're going to have to forgive yourself of that at some point."

He put a comforting hand on her shoulder as she sighed in defeat not knowing what to say. The tears rolling down her cheeks broke his heart. He did not want her having to suffer through this pain.

"Look, the first time we talked at the Dot that night...you were quiet and sad all the time and you didn't talk much. But I still fell for you. I love you, no matter what, Clare. But because I love you, I want to see you happy. I wanna make you happy. Don't you remember our first kiss?"

She smiled, a pained look on her face.

He continued, "I came to your house because you said you were sick. I brought you flowers..."

She smiled and blushed slightly at the memory.

He took notice and a crept upon his face. "And when we kissed you freaked out and told me that us being together would be wrong. But I told you Alli wouldn't mind. Because she's in heaven and she's happy. You say you don't deserve to be happy because she's dead. But being dead isn't necissarily a bad thing. Because if you're in heaven... You're happier than any person who's alive"

Clare realized he was right and smiled, crying happy tears. It was a bitter-sweet moment. He took her head in his hands and kissed her forehead.

She smiled softly and fell subject to his arms. She didn't know if she'd ever be the same as she used to be before Alli's death. But at least now she had someone to hold onto and that would help her through it all.

He wrapped his arms around her and smiled as he heard her sniffle into his chest.

They heard a slight knock on the door frame and saw Bianca standing there. "Heyy...", she wore small, unsure smile. "Can I come in?..."  
>Clare nodded her head as she jumped off the bed and tackled her friend in a hug.<br>"I'm sorry I didn't call you or anything. I just-"

"Its fine, Edwards I'm just glad you're okay", Bianca smiled.

Jake walked in and saw the two girls hugging. "She's alive! Its a miracle" he chuckled.

Clare giggled. "Oh, you guysss", she cooed pulling them all into one big group hug.

**A/N: Sooo...Whadd'ya think?**

**Reviews...please?:)**

**moxxyrain . tumblr . com  
>Twitter: moxxyrain<strong>


	23. Cloud Watchers

"Clare that is definitely _not _a bunny. Can't you see the beak and it's weird looking tail? Anyone can see that it's a bird" Bianca pointed up at the sky while laying next to Clare on the grass.

"That is_ not_a beak! It's obviously a peice of the carrot sticking out of it's mouth, B" Clare retorted.

"What? Okay, Edwards. I didn't realize the clouds were so detailed these days" Bianca rolled her eyes playfully while using expressive hand gestures. "Why did you drag me out here in the field to do this, anyway?"

"I dunno. They do it all the time in movies", Clare explained.

"Yeah, in sappy chick flicks! And the two people laying side by side on the grass while watching the clouds are usually from the opposite sex"

Clare scoffed, "Oh, c'mom"

"And they're usually all lovey dovey too, which obviously wouldn't work because we're both, ya know...straight!"

Clare laughed. "I know, I know. I was gonna hang with Drew today and probably take him here. But, he had plans with Adam and their mom"

"Wow. So, I don't know if I should feel creeped out that you brought me here to watch the clouds with you, or insulted that I'm second best"

Clare chuckled. "Oh, shush you! Sooo... Speaking of Adam..."

Clare looked at Bianca with that "what's up" look.

"What?", Bianca said defensively. She looked away and back up at the sky so Clare wouldn't see her blushing at the mention of Adam.

"What's going on between you and Adam?" Clare asked anxiously.

"Nothing!" Bianca assured her. "Absolutely...nothing"

Clare noticed how Biamca muttered her last couple of words sadly. Clare frowned. "Maybe you should jusy tell him how you feel, B. You know how shy Adam can be."

Bianca turned on her side, facing Clare and propped herself up with her elbows pressed into the grass. "I know... I know he's shy, Clare. But... I just wanna feel like the girl for once. I've chamged now. And part of my chamging, I was hoping to give up throwing myself at guys anymore"

Clare smiled sadly at her. "I know"

Bianca continued. "But now... I finally found a really good guy who's the total opposite of the other guys I used to go for... I just don't want to scare him off"

"Okay, well... I'm not gonna rell you that you should tell him how you feel or that you shouldn't... I guess, just do what you think is right. If you're up to waiting for Adam to make the first move, then wait"

Bianca smiled weakly at her blue eyed friend and nodded her head. "Thanks. I think I will"

I just hope he doesn't take too long, she thought.


	24. Paper ball Tactics

Weeks flew by after Clare and Bianca had their talk in the field together while watching clouds. Adam still hadn't made a move and it was really beginning to make Bianca restless. They talked all the time; texted until their hands cramped up. But apparently out of every conversation he hadn't found one foot hole to tell her how he felt.

_Psshh...,_ she thought. He was just a wimp. After all this time he still hadn't worked up the courage to tell her how he felt.

But, Bianca _knew_ he had feelings for her. He just _had_ to. No one could deny the way he'd look into her eyes when they talked face to face. And when she'd throw him subtle comments here and there, his cheeks flushed with a light pink every time. And when she'd purposely get herself all dolled up to get his attention, she could feel his eyes on every second.

Yet, he still hadn't asked her out...

Bianca now sat at her seat in history class, staring at Adam who was seated in the row ahead of her. Her eyes shot daggers at the back of his head. If she were a robot, lazars would have shot out from her eyes at the back of his head by now. Sure, she liked him. She was crazy about him. But, that was the problem. She was so crazy about him, she couldn't stand it. It drew her to the point of lovesick anger that he hadn't made a move by now.

'If he really cares about you, then he'll come around sometime'. That's what everyone kept on telling her. But it was getting hard to even believe he liked her anymore. Was she just seeing things? Did she maybe like him so much that she'd willed herself to believe that he felt the same for her?

It was driving her insane.

Maybe it was just time to move on...

Adam ~ Jake ~ Adam ~ Jake

Adam felt someone's eyes on him as he sat, taking notes in history class. He turned around to the back of the class to see Bianca quickly look in the other direction. He slowly turned around, confused._ Was_ _she looking at me?,_ he wondered.

He shook his head, willing the thought away. He had given up on the possibility of Bianca liking him. Sure, she and him had gotten close and talked all the time. But she was also always talking to Jake, too. So she _could_ be into him...  
>Or maybe she just saw them both as friends...<p>

Plus, this was Bianca. If she wanted a guy, she was known to just... Well not throw herself at them, exactly (she wasn't a slut...anymore). But she would make it happen. She'd make the first move.

Sure, Adam knew he should be the man and 'make it happen'. But, that was just who Bianca was. She wanted something, she went after it. It was as simple as that.

And she obviously didn't want him...

Suddenly, Adam felt a paper ball hit his arm, and bounce off onto the ground.

_Could it be...?,_ he thought. He turned around to see Bianca immediately turn her head to the other direction. He picked up the paper ball and opened it to see if there would maybe be writing from the thrower's notebook giving him a clue as to who it was.

The mostly blank piece of notebook paper read a single line of writing: **Dude, Bianca's been staring at you all of class.**

**-Jake**

Adam looked up to see Jake sitting a few seats away from him, looking at him with a knowingly look.

Adam replied to Jake on the same crumbled up piece of paper.

**Really...? Any idea why?**

He crumbled up the piece of paper once again and threw it back at Jake's desk while the teacher wrote something in the board.

Jake read the sloppy note. _Wow, this guy is seriously clueless_**, **he thought.

Jake furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion, not knowing what to reply back to his clueless friend. He wanted to tell Adam that Bianca liked him back, but he didn't want to betray Bianca's trust. He sighed before writing back.

_Bros before hoes_, he thought regretfully. Not that Bianca was a hoe or anything, just a saying...

Adam jumped slightly at the impact of the paper ball hitting the back of his head. He turned around, looking at Jake and gave him that 'really?-_-' kind of look.

He picked up the paper ball and unraveled it to read the message Jake had written him.

**Dude she likes you.**

Adam's eyes widened. And, the rest of the paper ball conversation went as follows.

**Adam: And how would you know that...?**

**Jake: She told me.**

**Adam: Are you for real?**

**Jake: No, man. I'm for fake.**

**Adam: Not funny -_-**

**Jake: Whatever. And I know you like her too. She also told me she's waiting for you to make the first move. I know you're shy and all but she wants to feel like the girl.**

**Adam: Yeah...**

**Jake: You do like her though, right...?**

**Adam: Of course.**

**Jake: Then just tell her already!**

**Adam: Haha, okay man. I think I will... To be honest, I'm kind of surprised to hear this coming from you. Kind of thought you guys might've had a thing...**

**Jake: Nah, she's not my type.**

**Adam: What's that supposed to mean?**

(Was he calling her a slut or something?...)

**Jake: Whoa man, don't get all defensive haha I just like  
>blondes, that's all... And no, i don't still like Clare. Don't even go there, man.<br>**  
>As Adam read the last note from Jake, the bell sounded, ending their history class.<p>

Jake made his way over to Adam as they exited the classroom together.

"I'm going to tell her today", Adam stated confidently.

Jake gripped the younger boy's shoulder encouragingly. "Good luck, man"


	25. On Edge

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry the last two chapters have been short, been really busy lately and wasn't sure if I should have just squished all of that crap into one chapter or not. But whatevs, you'll all live, despite how much the Cliffhanger girl claims the shortness of chapters and lack of drama are killing her xP (love ya, Cliffy haha)

PS: everyone should go check out stories by her (her oneshots will melt your heart, just sayin' ;D )

Read:')

"Dude, you still haven't told her?" Drew questioned his brother as they both folded laundry In their family's den. "I thought Jake told you like a week ago that Bianca feels the same way"

Adam sighed heavily. It was true. He had chickened out big time. And he hated himself for it. It was pretty shameful, actually. "I know, man. But what if Jake doesn't even know what he's talking about? Maybe he just misunderstood her... Or what if he's just straight up lying to make me look stupid or something?"

Drew understood where his brother was coming from. "Well, I mean sure everyone's capable of lying. But Jake seems like a pretty decent guy. I mean I didn't really like him at first because Clare used to tell me how he made her life hell and stuff. But I guess he's changed. He treats her fine, now. He even got me and Clare back together when we fought because she thought that I..."

Drew paused. He was debating whether he should tell the reason why Clare was upset with him at that time. Would it affect Adam at all that Clare thought he wasn't over Bianca? What if Adam started thinking that, too?

"That you...what?"

Drew decided to play it safe. "It doesn't matter. But what does matter is that you get out of that shell of yours and do what you have to do, man."

"Which is...?", Adam question even though he was quite sure he knew what his brother was talking about.

"Tell Bianca how you feel! Dude, I don't want to scare you or anything, plus I know she's changed and everything. Buuut..."

"But what?," Adam asked anxiously.

"But, she has a tendency to move on pretty fast."

Adam gulped down the nervous bile in his throat.

No. he couldn't let that happen. If anyone was going to be kissing those beautiful lips of hers... It was going to be him.

End of story.

...

Adam sat in his English class the next day, tapping his pen nervously as the clock hands moved way too slow for his liking.

Today was the day. When the bell rang, ending this class, lunch would soon begin; which was where he would finally tell Bianca he liked her.

He'd usher her over to a small table just for the two of them. And then he'd tell her.

Adam swallowed hard as horrific visions of her laughing in his face filled his mind.

Should he really do this?...

Yes. He had too. If she moved on, he'd be heartbroken. He just wouldn't be able to take the pain of it all.

He looked up at the clock, and suddenly time was moving almost _too_fast for him. He needed more time to think. To contemplate. To- RIIING

_Oh well_, he thought. As the class of teenagers began flooding out of the room, he slowly arose from his seat. His heart was pounding, his hands were sweaty. His stomach swirled with nervousness and just a hint of excitement.

This could be the day that he made Bianca _his._

Adam was the last one out of the room. He made his way to his locker that wasn't very far from the room he'd just exited and quickly put his books away. He then began to make his way toward the caf. But before he got there, he heard a pair of very familiar sounding voices. He slowly turned a corner of the hallway to see Jake and Bianca walking together from a distance. Jake had said something that caused her to laugh. The hallways were completely cleared out now with the exception of Jake, Bianca, and Adam who had not yet been seen by them.

Suddenly, Adam was graced with such a horrible thing set before his eyes, he just couldn't take it.

Bianca said something to Jake before reaching up to cup his face with her hand and placing her lips on his.

**Jake's POV**

It took me by surprise. One minute, I was talking to Bianca about last night's Family Guy episode, and suddenly she was suffocating me with her mouth melded to mine. It was just so out of the blue.

Don't get me wrong, Bianca's cool and everything. We're friends, but I just don't like her like that. In fact, I'm pretty interested in someone else at the moment... (NO, IT'S NOT MY SISTER.)

I didn't push her away, but I didn't kiss back either. I just didn't want to be mean. Plus, girls like Bianca don't tend to take rejection so well. I swear, if I pushed her away it would just be a slap in my face waiting to happen.

When Bianca finally broke the uncomfortable bond between our lips, I just stood there, shocked.

"Um... I don't know what to say-"

"Shh", she hushed me putting her index finger to my lips. "You don't need to say anything"

And with that, she gave me a sexy smile before prancing off to the cafeteria.

I stood there in awe, not completely sure of what had just happened or what I was supposed to do next. I couldn't risk walking into the cafeteria and having an awkward encounter with my friend who had just kissed me. What was this all about, anyway? Didn't she like Adam? Hadn't he told her how he felt yet?

Speaking if the devil, I suddenly saw Adam creep out from around a corner and began walking toward me. And believe me, if looks could kill...

I'd be dead.


	26. Fight It Out

**A/N: Hey guys, hope you enjoy today's chapter ;D**

**Read:')  
><strong>  
>Dude...WHAT THE HELL?" Adam thundered as he approached Jake.<p>

"Crap. Don't tell me you saw that, Adam..." Jake said tiredly, a hint of frustration in his voice. He gripped his nose with his thumb and index, trying to figure out how he was supposed to explain what had just happened without it looking bad on his part.

"Well, I wish I hadn't saw it, but I did! Dude, what's your problem? You tell me that she likes me and I should tell her how I feel. Hell, you even said she wasn't your 'type'! Will you make up your mind, already?"

Adam was fuming. Even he didn't realize just how angry he could get at something like this. Was he seriously ganging up on Jake right now?

Jake was speechless. He may have been bigger and taller than Adam. But, at the moment, Adam was pretty intimidating.

"Ugh, dude just let me expla-"

"No! What is there to explain? You know what, I get it, Jake! I chickened out and I didn't tell her how I felt that day. So, you took that as your opportunity to snatch her away from me?"

"Ugh, Adam-"

"Man, why can't you just have a normal relationship that doesn't come along with drama?" Adam laughed in mockery. "I mean first you date your sister, now this?"

That was the last straw. Jake felt extreme anger build up inside of him. No one could joke about what he and Clare had.

"Okay, _dude_? Back off", Jake said firmly while poking Adam in the chest, pushing him away slightly.

But this little gesture, Adam took as an opportunity; an opportunity to show Jake just who the real man was.

Adam shoved Jake causing him to bang into the wall he stood in front of. Jake spoke up. "Man, you really don't want to do this"

Adam wore a smirk and a crazed look in his eye. "Oh, yes. I really do"

And with that, he had Jake in a fierce headlock. The boys scrambled around the empty hall. Adam wouldn't let go of his grip around Jake's neck, until Jake eventually ran backwards, ramming Adam into a wall. Adam returned this with a sudden punch in the face. Jake felt blood flowing from his lip.

This earned Adam a few swift punches in the ribs. Adam kept swinging his arms to get Jake in another headlock but kept missing as Jake would duck his head. Jake then tackled Adam to the ground.

As Adam's body was pulled down to the ground, he felt his ankle twist way too far, and he let out a short angry howl of pain. Jake let go of Adam, thinking whatever injury he was yelling about would cause him to stop fighting. But instead Adam looked up at Jake in the eye with that same crazed look and said. "You don't think this is over, do you?"

Adam may not have been able to stand up and shove Jake into lockers any longer, but he could stay on the ground and still cause some serious damage. He grabbed Jake's arm and forcefully pulled his body to the ground. The boys began scrambling all over the floor, wrestling.

Meanwhile, Drew and Clare walked out of the caf, hand in hand and before their eyes was each of their brothers fighting it out. Clare's eyes widened in shock. Drew's jaw dropped.

"What the hell?" was all he could think of saying about the situation.

Drew looked at Clare and in silent agreement, they both rushed over to their siblings. Clare grabbed Jake by the waist and pulled him off of Adam. It was kind of an amusing sight considering how small she was compared to him. But she was persistent in pulling him away from Adam. She pulled him up until he brought himself to his feet. Meanwhile, Drew tried grabbing Adam and dragging him up to his feet as well. But, his sprained ankle caused his feet to cave beneath him. As Adam tried once again, with the help of his brother, to get up, he yelled to Jake. "This isn't over!"

"What the hell happened?" Clare wanted know when she noticed Jake's bloody lip.

Drew looked over Adam's figure. He could barely stand, his hair was ruffled up, and his polo looked as if he'd been attacked by a tiger.

Drew was suddenly filled with anger. How could someone to this to his little brother?

"Yeah, tell your brother to control himself, Clare!"

Clare's eyes widened. "What?" Had they just witnessed the same fight, or not? They had both been pounding each other into the ground.

"Well look what he did to Adam!"

"Look what Adam did to Jake!" Clare cried in disbelief. "I'm pretty sure he didn't just punch himself in the mouth!"

The two began yelling at each other ruthlessly. Meanwhile, Jake and Adam drowned out their angry voices and just looked at each other angrily; especially Adam.

Jake had taken the thing most important to him away; Bianca.

And Adam wouldn't stand for that. He shot Jake an eerie smirk as time just seemed to slow down. His face read: _this isn't over._

Jake shook his head in disgust. He didn't need to explain himself anymore; it wasn't worth it. He'd rather just beat Adam to the dust.

As Drew and Clare's yelling came to an end, they too looked angrily at each other.

"C'mon, Adam" Drew said. "Let's get you to the nurse before this animal decides to just finish you off"

Clare scoffed. How could Drew be so arrogant?

Drew helped Adam begin walking -er, limping. Meanwhile, Clare put an arm around Jake as she led him in the other direction.

What in the world had just happened?

**A/N: Hope that was interesting enough for you all ;)**

**Reviews?...pleeease, ill give every reviewer a cookie and a kiss! :P**


	27. Over My Head

"May I ask why you and Adam were beating the living crap out of each other?" Clare questioned her brother as they walked away from the scene of the fight.

Jake's lip was still a crimson colored mess. He exhaled with a big frustrated sigh. "Adam saw Bianca kiss me so he got all pissed off"

"Wait- what? Rewind. Did you say Bianca _kissed_ you?", Clare asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. Don't ask why, because I have absolutely no idea"

"Okay, so she just randomly kissed you?", Clare clarified. "When?"

"Just now! Before lunch started she just kissed me and walked away. And I guess Adam saw from far away, came and got me in freakin' headlock"

"Adam just attacked you like that?"

"Yeah!-" Jake paused. "I mean... Well, he kind of set fuel to the fire first. He got me all worked up and that's why i came down on him just as hard"

"Oh", Clare said simply in her 'disappointment' voice. She looked at his lip. "I think we need to get you cleaned up, bro"

"Well, Adam's definitely in the nurse's office. So, I think I'll just go washed off in the bathroom"

"But, what if it gets infected-"

"Clare, I'll be fine", he chuckled at how motherly she could be.

"Fine", she backed down. "See ya later"

"See ya, sis"

CxBxCxBxCxBxCxBxCxBxCxBxCxB

"You kissed my brother?", was the only thing Clare could think to say when she answered the incoming call from Bianca.

Bianca stood in her room frozen when she heard Clare speak into the receiver. "U-um...", she stuttered.

"I thought you liked Adam. In fact I was _positive_ you liked Adam; he was all you could talk about for the past month!"

Bianca sighed. "Clare I'm tired of waiting for him"

This brought Clare right back to the original question. "So you kiss my brother?"

Bianca stumbled over her words. "I-i needed to get over him. I needed to move on!"

"So you move-"

"Yes, I moved on to your brother" Bianca completed Clare's sentence for her. She continued. "And I'm sorry if that makes you feel weird. I'll just find someone else..."

There was silence on the other end of the call until Clare spoke up. "No, no... It's fine. If you like Jake, I guess I'm okay with that"

Bianca let out a frustrated sigh. "Save it. He probably doesn't even like me, anyways. Plus... I just don't want him. I want-..."

Bianca paused, ashamed of her unfinished statement.

"Adam?" Clare guessed.

"Yeah..."

"Well he definitely wants you too", Clare announced.

"Well, obviously. But- Wait...why do you say that?" Bianca wanted to know.

"Well, let's just say he saw you kiss Jake and didn't react very well" Clare explained vaguely in a sly tone.

Bianca's jaw dropped. "Details, Edwards. _Now_."

A.T. A.T. A.T. A.T. A.T. A.T. A.T. A.T. A.T. A.T.

Adam limped through the doorway into his room, leaning his weight on a single crutch. He was too angry and fed up to have the patience to hop around with two long sticks pressed into his armpits. He angrily tossed the crutch onto the floor once he reached his bed.

How dare Jake kiss Bianca? Especially after convincing him to ask her out.

Drew was right. He'd lost his chance. His anger slowly subsided to pure melancholy.

He heard Drew blast his stereo in the room next to Adam's. It was a familiar song. By The Fray maybe?...

_I never knew… I never knew that everything was falling through_

_That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue_

_To turn and run when all I needed was the truth_

Was it true? Could Jake and Bianca have been running around being all lovey-dovey behind his back this whole time? Had Bianca never even really liked him?...ever?...at all?

_Everyone knows I'm in over my head_

_Over my head_

_Eight seconds left in over-time_

_She's on your mind_

_She's on your mind…_

Yep. It was definite. Bianca had led him on. She must have just known that he had feelings for her. She didn't feel the same, but didn't want to hurt his feelings. So she led him on. She flirted simply because she pitied him.

_That has to be it_ , he thought. _I'm pathetic. Nothing but a loser._

Suddenly the pain in his foot and any anger in his heart completely faded away and were replace with pure devastation and agony. Hot tears forced their way out of his eyes. He cringed as he felt them slowly cascade down his cheeks. He laid down in his bed, leaning his pale face into his pillow. His soft sobs were smothered by the material. No one would hear him past the music anyway;

Past the song that defined his shame and pitiful existence as a human being.

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry it was short. But I'm hoping ya liked it anyways! ;D**

**Reviews:')**


	28. Reunited, and it feels so good

**A/N: thanks to all my readers and reviewers :)**

_Drew's POV_

WHY?

Why the hell did I just go and piss off the love of my life because of a stupid fight between Jake and my brother...?

Nope, wasn't even my fight... I just had to let the sight of my beaten up brother get the best of me and take it out on Clare. Why...?

I have no freakin' idea.

I mean, it's not like Clare was the one who'd caused my little brother to get a sprained ankle. She wasn't the one who had Adam pinned to the ground. What did Clare do...?

Nothing!

Wow, I'm an ass...

Oh, and it turns out that the whole fight was over a girl! Bianca to be exact. Apparently, Jake and Bianca are together now which had caused the fight... Or at least that's what Adam told me.

Either way, I _need_ to find away to make up for my assanine-ness (is that even a word?) to Clare. She did nothing, and she deserves way better than the way I treated her yesterday. This is going to involve a lot of thought (and money)... Hmmm...

_Clare's POV_

Drew's an ass. 'Nuff said...

Wait, no! There's more:  
>...Drew's a <em><strong>HUGE<strong>_ ass.

Okay, I'm done.

_Bianca's POV_

I'm speechless. How the hell did a single kiss cause so much freaking damage?...

A fight? Adam...got into a fight. Over me?

It all just seems so unreal at the moment. But there's one real big problem here: Adam getting all jealous and fighting Jake over me... Is so freaking adorable!...which makes me like him even more! But...chances are he'll never talk to me again! Why would he even want anything to do with me after seeing me kiss Jake? I mean, I've made my feelings for Adam pretty obvious!...At least I think so. And now I go pulling this crap? I would hate my guts if I were Adam... He probably just thinks of me now as the same old "Bianca DeSousa, the slut". And I was so sure that title was long gone...

Wrong. As usual.

Ugh, this sucks... But, no! I am going to make things right if it's the last thing I do! Adam's a nice guy so if he'll just give me the chance to explain myself...maybe everything won't be over after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked through the halls of Degrassi, searching every face for those signature baby blues of his. Just as I was about to give up and decide he just wasn't in school...I saw him. This was my third time passing his locker this morning and he was finally there. I willed for my feet to move toward him, but they refused. I gulped down the nervous bile in my throat.

What would I say? "Oh, that fight you got into yesterday was for no reason at all; Jake and I aren't together, I just kissed him for the hell of it. Oh, and by the way: I FREAKING LOVE YOU!"

Yeah... Not going to work.

Before any other thought could register in my mind, his gorgeously innocent eyes locked with mine.

Suddenly, a surge of confidence entered my body.

You can do this Bianca, I thought.

Before I could think through what I was doing, my feet made their way over to Adam, my hands grabbed his face, and my lips met his.

Holy crap, what did I just do?

Adam's POV

As mine and Bianca's lips parted, I just stood there, stunned. What had just happened? One minute I was leaning my crutches against the wall so that I could retrieve a text book from my locker. The next, her lips were on mine.

I stuttered, "U-um. Nice to see you too...?"

"I am so sorry", she said.

"For what, exactly?" I wondered aloud.

"For giving you a sprained ankle. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have fought Jake"

"O-oh... You know about that?", I asked shamefully. It was bad enough she'd pitied me this whole time. It was even worse that she knew I fought her little boyfriend because I got crazy jealous.

"Yes, and I need to explain some stuff to you. But first, I think it's important you know... I love you, Adam"

Whoa. Definitely wasn't expecting _that_...

"But, Jake-", I started.

"-and I are nothing" she completed. "Look, i care about you, Adam; alot. And i know you saw me kiss Jake and that's why you two got into a fight but, you have to understand... I only kissed him because i was trying to get over you(italics)"

I was having trouble taking all of this in. "But, why?"

"Because i thought you didn't have feelings for me and i just couldn't handle that, so..."

"So you tried moving onto Jake?" I inquired.

She let out a great sigh. "Yeah"

I nodded my head, trying to take this all in. I looked at Bianca to see her staring down at her feet shamefully.

_Bianca's POV_

After endless moments of silence, I heard him clear his throat awkwardly and then speak up. "So, you like..._me_?"

I nodded my head while hoping he wouldn't notice me blush.

"And there's nothing going on between you and Jake?" he inquired.

"Nothing at all", I assured.

_Adam's POV_

I paused to think for a moment. Then i finally decided on the perfect choice of words.

"There's something I've been too chicken to say for some time now... I love you too, B. I think about you all the time, and I can't get your damn beautiful curls out of my head"

I could feel myself blushing as I said this but I noticed her face was glowing with red also. She smiled up at me.

"So, now what?" She asked of me.

"Well, I was thinking..."

"Yes...?"

"That maybe we could kind of, sort of...", I teased.

"Yeah...?", she urged.

"Escape the friend zone...?"

Bianca smiled brightly before wrapping her arms around me without a thought and melding her lips to mine.

This was the freaking best.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_~3rd Person~_

Adam and Bianca entered the cafeteria together that afternoon. Adam hopped one step at a time on his crutches as Bianca carried his bag slung over her shoulder.

As they approached their usual lunch table, they noticed Drew sitting there alone, while Clare was seated at a table on the other side of the caf. Bianca and Adam shared glances as if making a silent agreement that they needed to mend things between Drew and Clare.

Adam spoke up. "I'll take Clare, you talk to Drew"

Bianca nodded her head in agreement.

Adam hopped on his crutches over to his blue-eyed friend. He took a seat next to her, laying the crutches on the floor before him.

Clare looked up at Adam who was now seated next to her. "Oh hey, Adam. How's your foot?" She took notice of his crutches.

"Eh, fine I guess. Just a sprained ankle"

Clare smiled weakly at him feeling bad for his injury.

"Look, I'm sorry about fighting your brother. I just assumed he and Bianca were together and it sent me a little crazy"

Clare chuckled. "It's fine. Jake told me everything. The one who _should_ be apologizing right now is Drew...", she said bitterly.

Adam frowned. "He's tried texting and calling you..."

"So? An 'I'm sorry text' with a frowny face just isn't going to cut it... Plus I just don't feel like talking to him after what happened"

Adam sighed. "Look. My brother...is an ass"

Clare chuckled at the statement she'd been thinking in her head all day.

Adam continued, "But, he cares about you...a lot. He just has a little trouble thinking before letting words coming out of that moronic trap of his. He literally can't _live_ without you, Clare"

Clare smiled sadly, but shrugged off the heart-warming statement.

"Just give him a chance to explain himself" Adam begged.

Clare gave in as she saw Drew approaching them from a distance. "Fine. But that doesn't mean I have to talk back..."

Adam nodded his head acceptingly. "Good enough" He rose from his seat as an apprehensive Drew approached them along with Bianca.

"Good luck, dude" Adam offered to his brother as he got back on his crutches and Bianca helped him over to their usual table.

Drew took a seat next to Clare as she stared straight ahead refusing to make eye contact with him.

Drew sighed. "Look... I'm sorry"

Clare sat there silently, awaiting the rest of his apology (because there sure as hell better have been more).

Drew continued. "I shouldn't have blamed that stupid fight on you. It was dumb of me. I guess I was just fighting my brother's battles for him...

Silence.

"But I was fighting the wrong person for him. Clare, I know that fight was between Adam and Jake. Neither of us had anything to do with it, especially you. And I am so, so sorry for blaming you"

Clare wanted to just accept his apology and be done with it. But,...messing with his head was just way too fun. So she stayed silent.

"Look, Clare, I'll make it up to you. You see, there's this Fireflight concert next week..."

That had caught her attention. Clare finally looked up curiously, making eye contact with him.

Drew continued. "And, I managed to get a set of tickets for us..."

Clare's eyes widened as he pulled the pair of tickets out of his pocket. "No", she breathed in disbelief while snatching the tickets out of his hand to examine them. "We're going to see Fireflight in concert?" She exclaimed after deciding that the tickets were legit.

"Yep! So, ya love me again?" Drew asked jokingly sarcastic while holding out his arms for a hug.

Clare squealed in excitement while grabbing him in a tight, warm embrace. "Who said I ever stopped?"

Drew chuckled while kissing the top of her head.

_Drew's POV_

Women. They're quite simple when you think about it. All you need is brains and money to make 'em happy.

**A/N: Okay, sooo... I just thought i should warn you guys... The next chapter of Someone to Hold Onto...will, sadly, be the last. Just wanna thank you guys so much for reading and reviewing for so long; you're all awesome ;D**

**Hope you'll stick around for the next and final chapter! :)**

**twitter: MoxxyRain**

**Reviews:')**


	29. Someone to Hold Onto The End

**A/N: Hey, everyone! So, here it is. The last chapter…DUN DUN DUUUN….. haha Anywho, It has been such an amazing ride writing this story for you all, so I really hope you've all enjoyed it **** And since it's the last chapter I would really appreciate some reviews ;)…Because I honestly worked my butt off on this :P **

**PS: sorry that this chapter starts off kind of odd/dull/cheesy…because, sadly, I'm pretty sure it can be classified as all three.**

**Disclaimer: Wow, I've just realized, I don't think I've ever written a disclaimer for this story!...Hm, well…If you haven't guessed already…I DON'T OWN NUFFIN'…o.o**

**Read:')**

Clare, Drew, Bianca and Adam all walked through the desolate graveyard. Drew and Clare walked hand in hand as the soft wind blew Clare's long frilly black skirt. Bianca smiled weakly at Adam as he held her close with his left arm wrapped around her. For the most part, the four were pretty silent. The most that could be heard from them was the sound of leaves being crushed beneath their feet.

Their walking pace slowed as they approached a particular tombstone that they had all come to visit together. Clare sighed sadly as she looked at the spot her best friend had been buried. Drew noticed this and squeezed her hand comfortingly as if to say "It's okay. I'm here"

She looked up at him and smiled sadly. Clare let go of his hand and approached the stone on her own; the remaining three friends stood and watched her every move. She softly fingered the engraved writing on the stone. It read:

_Allia Bhandari_

_Beloved Daughter, Sister, & Friend_

_Novermber 17 1994 – September 27 2011_

Clare breathed in deeply. Bianca just stood there clinging to Adam, not sure of what Clare would do next. Would she fall to her knees and break down crying? Or would she just stand there, devastatedly staring at Alli's gravestone?

Drew, on the other hand, slowly began walking toward his cinnamon haired girlfriend. Before he could reach to wrap his arms around her small frame, she began saying something in her soft, pleasant voice.

"Alli", she began.

Drew decided to just stand beside her and listen to what she had to say.

After a short silence, she continued. "I miss you _so_ much. And, I'd give _anything _to bring you back"

The three looked at their friend with compassion when they heard her voice break as she swallowed back tears. "But, I can't. And, I guess I'll have to live with that for a really long time…Forever, probably. I remember in grade eight; we had to get with a partner, read an Edgar Allan Poe poem and write about what we thought it meant exactly.

"You and I were partners. And, we chose to read _Annabelle Lee_. I remember how we didn't understand some of the old English and we asked the teacher what one of the lines meant. She told us that Poe was saying that when his girlfriend died, he slept every night next to her grave by the sea. You and I looked at each other like 'What the hell?'…But, now I understand how the guy felt. When Anabelle died…He couldn't let go. It was almost like…She wasn't dead to him. He was always longing for her… hoping that one day; she'd rise out of her grave and be alive again."

Drew could feel himself tearing up as she spoke. Bianca pushed her wind-blown curls out of her face as Adam just looked down at the ground feeling very out of place. He had barely known Alli and didn't know how to react to this emotional moment. He looked over at Bianca who stood beside him. Her expression was bold and hard to read. Adam wasn't sure if she looked angry or upset. In truth, she was both. She was angry with herself for being so unkind to Alli when she was alive. Adam didn't know what to do, so he just reached for her hand in an attempt to give her some source of comfort.

Drew stood frozen next to Clare as she continued to speak to her deceased friend. "And as much as it hurts, Alli, I need to let go…Of _you_. I love you so much and I still would do anything to be able to talk to face-to-face once again. But, pining over my guilt, and you being…dead; I know it isn't what you'd want for me." Clare reached into her long, black coat and pulled out a white carnation. "So, this is me letting go. I just hope you forgive me… for _everything._"

Clare kneeled down and placed the carnation before the gravestone. She then rose back up, not breaking her gaze with the stone. Drew smiled at how brave Clare was being about this. He then decided it was suitable timing to wrap a comforting arm around the girl. She finally turned to face him and gave him a weak smile as a few stray tears escaped her shining orbs. Drew leaned in to kiss her forehead. Clare hugged his torso as she buried her head in his chest.

Suddenly, Bianca's voice filled the air. Adam looked at her face that still held that bold expression as she continued holding her gaze with the dirt ground. "I wasn't ever very nice to you…" Everyone looked up hearing the shakiness in Bianca's voice.

She continued speaking. "But, it was only because I was jealous. You had it all; the great boyfriend, nice friends, a personality that everyone loved… And what did I have? The number one position as the school slut" Clare stared at the curly haired girl who almost never showed much emotion around anyone.

"So, I tried to take it all away from you. I wanted what you had so badly that I _stole your boyfriend_" Bianca spoke these last three words dripping with shame. "And then I actually had the nerve to fight you when you sent those pictures of me out to everyone. You were just trying to get even. But I got mad and fought you over it anyway. And I can't help but feel that…with every punch, or pull of your hair… I was the cause of your death"

Clare gasped while Drew looked to Bianca sadly. Adam looked at his girlfriend with compassion. "B-"

Bianca shrugged off the hand Adam had placed on her shoulder. She shook her head as tears began streaming down her cheeks. She stormed off away from the trio before they could see her tears.

Adam, of course, trailed after her. Clare released Drew from their embrace, about to go after Bianca also, but Drew stopped her. "Hun, Adam's got her. She'll be fine" Clare looked back at Adam running after Bianca and then back at her boyfriend; she nodded acceptingly.

_A&B A&B A&B A&B A&B A&B A&B A&B A&B A&B A&B A&B A&B A&B _

Bianca trudged toward Drew's Jeep they had arrived there in. Realizing the doors were locked, not allowing her to sit inside, she heaved a frustrated sigh and leaned her head on the window of the car; her hands gripping her own hair in despair.

"Bianca" She heard Adam's voice call after her for just about the millionth time.

"B" he called again, now standing a few feet away from her. Yet, she refused to look up.

She didn't need people telling her not to feel guilty, 'it's not your fault', blah blah blah. She heard the same things said to her over and over, usually from Clare. And if everything really wasn't her fault, why did she still feel guilty?

"B, it's not your fault" Adam said, gently placing his hand on the small of her back.

She groaned. Adam just stared at the back of her head in confusion.

After a moment of silence, Bianca finally stood upright, facing Adam. "Please, stop" She said simply.

"Stop, what?" Adam asked.

"Please…just please stop telling me not to feel guilty and that I didn't do anything, because that doesn't help. Your telling me not to feel guilty just makes me wonder even more if I _am_ guilty. Just let me feel…however I'm feeling. Okay?"

"Okay… I'm sorry. I'll back off." Adam began to walk away from the

Jeep. Bianca grabbed his hand. "No. I don't want you to back off" she tugged on his hand bringing him closer to her. "I need you. I need you when I'm feeling like this"

Adam smile softly at her before pulling her into a warm embrace. Bianca held onto him, her arms wrapped around him tightly. More tears began flowing freely from her eyes now. And she didn't care that she was crying with Adam as a witness. He was exactly what she needed right now. Adam kissed her temple chastely while gently rubbing circles on her back. This somehow made Bianca cry even more, knowing she finally had someone to be there for her when she got like this.

"I love you", she whispered in a shaky voice.

Adam smiled and spoke into her thick brown curls. "I love you, too"

_D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C D&C _

Drew and Clare continued to stand there, admiring the grave that held their dear friend. To Clare's surprise, Drew began to speak to the deceased girl, also.

"I wasn't very good to you, Alli, was I?… You weren't like many girls I'd dated. You were different; a good kind of different. And what we had was nice… But I threw that all away. And sometimes, I feel guilty for the way I treated you. I…cheated. With

Bianca. And sometimes, I feel guilty that she and I are friends now. Meanwhile, your not even alive"

Clare could see a few stray tears streaming down his face. But he ignored the tears as he continued to speak.

"But, like Clare said… We have to let go. Because guilt is not a way we should live our lives. And we know you wouldn't want us pining over it all, wasting out lives away. So, this is me saying…I'm sorry." Clare tapped him, handing him a second carnation she had brought. He accepted it, and knelt down before the grave stone. "And this is me, letting go" Drew gently placed the flower down on the ground, and rose back up to Clare's level. As a slight breeze came flowing past them, Drew finally noticed the tears streaming down his face. He looked at Clare and chuckled as he wiped away the tears and sniffled. Clare smile at him and hooked her left arm with his right. "Let's go"

He nodded his head in agreement and they both began walking through the wooded graveyard, with the Jeep as their destination. After a few calm moments of walking, Drew felt Clare clinging tightly to his arm. He knew she usually did this when she was scared or nervous. He stopped in his tracks and she followed, doing the same. Drew took a moment to look at her and noticed she was crying once again. Drew suddenly realized why she would be nervous or scared.

"Clare, I just want you to know how proud I am of you"

"For what?" she asked sadly.

"For letting go."

Clare looked down in shame. "That's just it, Drew. I… am terrified. Letting go of her is the scariest thing I have ever done. What if letting go is the exact opposite of what we should be doing?"

"Why would that be?" Drew questioned knowingly. He knew the only reason letting go would be a bad thing is if Alli dying was really their fault.

Clare replied with silence, letting Drew know he was right. He put a supporting finger under her chin, forcing her to meet gazes with him. "We did the right thing today, Clare. _You _did the right thing"

Clare smiled at him sadly.

Drew continued, realizing she wasn't completely convinced of that. "Honestly, we may have to live with this guilt…for a long time. But if we don't choose to let go, we'll never have the faith to believe that we'll see her again someday. You do still believe we will, don't you?"

Clare looked up at the clouds that were visible past the treetops. She then looked back to her boyfriend, a smile on her face. "Definitely"

Drew smile back at her. He cupped her face with his hands and kissed the topped of her head and then kissed her chastely on the lips. The two then linked arms once again, making their way to the end of the graveyard.

**THE END (kind of…)**

_**Epilogue**_

Drew and Clare made their way through the tight crowd until they'd reached the closest they could get to the stage. The two looked up at the stage anxiously; for, in just moments they'd be a matter of feet away from a truly amazing band. Suddenly, a male voice came booming from the speakers. "Ladies and gentleman; introducing…FIREFLIGHT!"

A young blonde made her way onto the stage as another girl and two good-looking guys followed behind her. "How'r ya'll doing tonight?" The blonde yelled into the mic. The crowed went wild, balloons flew up, confetti came down; it was like a freaking fiesta. The band took a moment to tune their instruments and then began playing. The blonde's strong yet mellow voice began flowing through the speakers. Drew chuckled as his girlfriend went wild, screaming and then singing along to the lyrics of the current song.

A few songs passed, and the crowd's enthusiasm had died down just the slightest bit. When the band began playing a bit of a slower song, yet Drew still had to practically yell in Clare's ear to let her know that he was going to use the bathroom. She nodded her head and planted a kiss on his lips before he walked off to the restroom.

The excitement of the concert had put Clare on a bit of an adrenaline rush. She felt revived, forgetting all her troubles; like she could do anything. She slightly bounced to the beat of the song. It started off with a long, loud note on the singer's part and then transitioned to more of a slowed, sad yet hopeful tune.

_**This is for those who wait…**_

_**Another day, another waiting game**_

_**A little different but it's still the same**_

_**I am here but where's the one I'm longing for?**_

_**I'm having trouble feeling all alone**_

_**Will my heart ever find a home?**_

_**I want hope but sometimes I just don't know**_

_**I know I'm not the only one**_

Ever since Alli passed, Clare couldn't help but always feel so alone. But now she realized that once she'd met Drew, he'd shown her that you're never alone. Clare had always thought she was the only one feeling the guilt… But she wasn't.

_**So we sing a lullaby **_

_**To all the lonely hearts tonight**_

_**Let it set your hearts on fire; let it set you free**_

Free. That's all Clare wanted to feel. Feeling bitter loneliness and guilt all the time…Wasn't freedom at all. In fact, it was pure bondage. And she could not have that any longer. It was not that she realized that letting go was definitely the right decision.

_**God, I'm gonna lean to you now**_

_**Letting go of all my fear and doubt**_

_**I can't do this on my own so I give you control**_

God. Faith. These were the things she'd been questioning for months now. But now she could be assured… It really was all true. God would always be a part of her life. People really weren't just full of crap when they said God allowed these horrible things to happen for a reason. It's all just a test of faith. It's was a fight. Life's a fight, she was realizing. And full of experiences that you learn and grow from.

And maybe letting go of all the guilt and everything, not really sure if it was the right decision…Maybe it was because sometimes people needed to give all these things up to God and let him handle it and works things out for the good. As Drew had said earlier… Faith is what would allow Clare to see her best friend once again someday.

Clare could feel tears streaming down her face for a third time that day. Only these tears were different. They were a sign of change; a sign of an ending. They were a sign of the end of all her troubles. She just needed to let go. She'd been to busy holding onto guilt and hurt, and letting it all eat away at her… that she never thought of just letting go of it all in order to earn her happiness.

Suddenly, she felt a tap on her shoulder which caused her to jump slightly. She turned to see that it was just Drew returning from the restroom.

He chuckled. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you"

Clare smiled up at him. He, of course, smiled back but gave her a look of worry while wiping a single tear from her cheek. "You okay? Do you want to leave?"

Clare shook her head assuringly. "No. I just want to stay right here" She took his hand, pulling him close to her. He smiled down at her before wrapping his arms around her protectively. They faced the stage and watched the band continue to play while Drew embraced her from behind. He leaned in the kiss her hair and then her temple. A soft breeze began to blow, sending her curls flying. Clare closed her eyes, embracing the moment; the music, the breeze hitting her face and blowing her hair, Drew's arms around her. It was all just so… perfect.

Clare smiled. Maybe it is hard finding yourself…

But it's much easier when you have someone to hold onto.

_**The End!**_

**Reviews?:')**


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